It was a rainy, commute this evening coming home from work. Rainy commutes = LONG commutes. I was kinda crank already because of this whole LOA situation. I'm tired of waiting and unfortunately that is what this entire process consists of.
I have been fairly successful, since August 3, in keeping this whole adoption at arms' length. What I mean is that I look at Kylie's picture and think, one day that will be my daughter. It's been such an abstract idea that I have managed to not really become emotionally attached. When you are so many months away from everything you've waited for coming to fruition, it's really not that hard. I know that might sound cold but I believe it's a necessary evil of survival in this crazy adoption world.
Today, while I was sitting in mile long traffic in the rain, I was contemplating my bad mood. I could acknowledge it was because I simply didn't want to wait anymore. And it was then that I realized...I had not really kept this sweet little girl at arms' length like I thought. Somewhere along the way, she BECAME my daughter. Not "will become" or "would become", but she HAS BECOME my little girl.
Somewhere along the way, I fell in love and didn't even realize it.
And that's what makes this wait so hard.