Steve just pulled out of the driveway bound for Missouri to start training with his Diabetic Alert Dog.
And I cried hysterically when he left.
My own child held it together, but not me. It's not just his leaving...it's that the three closest men in my life are gone...Chase, my Dad and now Steve. And I know there are others around who love me and will help while Steve is gone, but none of them are him. None can replace my Daddy. And none can be Chase.
I think my tears (which are still going) are from a conglomeration of a year gone horribly wrong. This time last year, Steve was recovering from hip replacement surgery. We were trying to raise money for his dog and I was pretty much being a taxi/single parent. The day after Steve was released from his doctor and PT, my dad got pneumonia and spent several weeks in the hospital which was the real beginning of his decline and in my opinion, when the Daddy I knew died to me. He was never the same after. He did have his good days, but by and large, they were fraught with illness, worry, dementia etc.
At Christmas, we found out Steve's mom would leave us and a short 3 weeks later she was gone. We enjoyed just a few months of peace and that's when Steve's work issues started. Then Chase announced he was leaving and then just 3 short weeks later, he was gone. Finally Steve's work issues resolved just in time for Daddy to go back in the hospital and start his final decline. Within another 3 short weeks my father was gone. And just a week and 1/2 after that, Steve is gone (oddly enough for 3 weeks...what is that saying about things coming in threes?)
A friend said to me yesterday (MP!) that the Lord doesn't give you more than you can handle. But I think sometimes He does. I think He gives me more than I can handle because He wants me to lean on HIM. So that's what I'm going to do. And during this 3 weeks, I'm going to thank God for the blessings He's given me over the past year. He has shown Himself as real in more ways than I can count with the Diabetic Service Dog process. I was able to spend quality time with my Dad near the end. I am now forging a new and wonderful relationship with Bertie (my step-mom) without my dad. And I could go on and on.
Anyway, really there is nothing informational in this post. I just needed to get my mind off Steve being gone (though he's probably not even out of the "Hill" yet!) and focus on what I do have.
On another note, I spent Thursday with Bertie going through Daddy's things. I was very depressed all evening and yesterday morning. Almost 82 years boiled down to a few boxes of things which are insignificant to most people. Just goes to show that it really ISN'T the material things we leave behind that matter.
OK, this is just too depressing...I promise the next few posts will be more exciting. I'll definitely keep you posted on Steve's training. So be sure and check back often...
Today's plans are for Jenna and I to meet some friends at the pool and then tonight Rachel and I are going to see Legally Blonde at TPAC. So we do have fun things planned.