I am…An Encourager

I have 2 pretty “active” gifts.  One is mercy.  One is encouragement.   I am a habitual encourager.  My mercy gift means I am sympathetic.  If I see you are crying, I want to know what’s wrong and I will be there to hold your hand and cry with you.  That’s a pretty nice gift to have…helping others in need.  Thanks God!

My encouraging many times goes hand in hand with the mercy gift.  But it also means I’m a “fixer”.  You know, some of us are married to fixers.  I realized Steve was a fixer a long time before I recognized it in myself.  Many, many moons ago, I remember where we were when I was telling him all about my desire for another child.  Up until that point, God had not opened that door and Steve’s heart was not yet open to adoption.  And I remember him giving me all these “tips” on working through the desires.  And I was like, “Hey, I’m not asking you to fix this for me.  I just want you to listen and be sympathetic.”  That conversation stuck with him and he does listen more than he tries to fix now days.

But I am SO much the same way.  As any of my semi-close friends will tell you, do NOT come to me with a problem unless you want me to try and fix it.  Katelyn probably has to endure this more than anyone I am around because unfortunately for her, she likes to tell me her problems from time to time.  I guess by now, she’s figured out that if she’s going to share, I’m going to fix.

However, along with being a fixer, comes encouragement.  My friend, Julie, said to me recently, “You really take your encouraging gift seriously!”.  But most times, I have no idea I’m doing it.  I am just a perpetual cheerleader which can definitely be annoying sometimes.  Because yeah, sometimes you just want to vent and not have someone try to fix it or encourage you.  Sometimes a gift just needs to wallow. 

Having the gifts of mercy and encouragement means you can walk someone all the way through a crisis.  You can be sympathetic and a shoulder to cry on, but then you can also work with them through it.  The truth is, I tend to draw people who are in crisis to me.  I’m not talking about my close friends.  They know me and we share our troubles and sorrows.  I’m talking about truly random people…like one day at work, I had to track down a work acquaintance in another line of business whom I hadn’t talked to in several years.  She ended up being out of the office and had to return my call.  We talked about 20 minutes of which 5 was work related.  The other 15 was her telling me about her elderly parents who were both sick and hard being an adult child to aging parents is (can I get an amen?!).  And she wasn’t being a weirdo telling a virtual stranger her problems…but somehow I just drew her in.

Most times I dig getting into someone else’s problem (I was a psychology major, originally hoping to go into private practice) and helping them feel better make me happy.  But sometimes…only sometimes…it gets hard.  And tiring.   And I don’t wanna.  I don’t want to hear another problem.  I don’t want to come up with another solution.  I don’t want to feel sad for a friend who has a problem I simply CAN’T FIX.

Because sometimes you can’t fix them.  Sometimes all you can do is listen to them cry.  And that’s hard.  It’s hard for a fixer.  It’s hard to have no encouraging words for a habitual encourager.

But I’m forever thankful for these gifts God has given me.  So, if you need a shoulder to lean on or an encouraging word…you know where to find me. 

Withdrawing

I have realized something about myself lately that I want to bring out into the light.  I figure if I say it out loud (and on the blog) then maybe I’ll be more motivated to change it.

I have a tendency to withdraw.  Not like a depression type withdrawal, but just a tendency to pull back from friends and sometimes even extended family.  And if those friends or family don’t really try to bring me out, then I just stay withdrawn.

Let me see if I can explain what I mean.  People that kinda know me might not realize this, but I can be shy and quiet in certain situations.  If I’m on, what I consider, “my turf” (somewhere I consider my comfort zone), even with strangers, I am outgoing, talkative and sometimes even humorous.  If I am on my turf with a personality that’s way bigger than me, I can sometimes withdraw and turn quiet and introspective.  For example, I might attend a Bible study at church.  Church is a place where I’m comfortable no matter who I am around.  However, if I am in a group where there is a stronger personality than me (and I’m not a strong personality, so it’s not hard), then I might come across as quiet, or sad or upset.  Typically, I’m not any of those things, but it might seem that way.

If I am out of my comfort zone, then I do withdraw and won’t usually engage in conversation easily.  When I would go to Steve’s work parties, I wouldn’t know hardly anyone and I would be really quiet.  Steve would get so irritated with me because he said people thought I was unfriendly and snobby.  In reality, I was just not putting myself out there.

And I also have a tendency to pull back when I feel like I don’t fit in.  And this happens A LOT with me.  It happens with people I’m not really close to and friends that I AM very close to.  I HATE it.  At work, my WBFF Katelyn and I would eat together every day.  Occasionally, my friend Rachel would ask if I wanted to eat together.  And even though Katelyn and Rachel didn’t really KNOW each other (at least at first!), they always had NO problem talking to each other and engaging in whatever conversation we were having.  And I really admire that about both of them.  How they aren’t afraid to just jump in and put themselves out there.

I have friends like that who can make a friend anywhere.  And the only difference in them and me is that they willingly take the risk and put themselves out there.  I know this is part of how Satan pokes at me and makes me feel insecure.  I notice it happens a lot at…of all places…church.  I’m constantly allowing myself to feel left out, excluded, not part etc. at church and it sometimes affects my ability to worship the way I want to.  And if I’m not careful, I’ll completely withdraw from people who are in my circle of close friends.

Reading another blog today, I realized, I don’t have to be that way.  I don’t have to feel insecure.  I don’t have to withdraw.  I don’t have feel excluded.  Sad.  Alone.

I just have to put myself out there.  Which for this personality…isn’t easy.  But now you know.  And it’s incentive to try harder to stop the withdrawal from happening and enjoy every minute of this all-too-short-life.

Show Us Your Life-Adoption!

Kelly's Korner is one of the blogs I have been reading for some time now. Frequently she does "Show Us Your Life" Fridays. There have been SUYL Fridays for every room in the house, even a single friends SUYL! I never link up because I never have time to take pictures of the rooms in my house and I'm pretty sure no one would be impressed with my lack of decorating skills.

Anyway, I digress. Kelly's SUYL Friday was about Adoption Stories! So if you linked to me from there, WELCOME!

 

Even though our girl is home and about to celebrate her 2nd birthday, we are still on this journey.  I'd love for you to click on our Gotcha Day video (see right sidebar!) or just browse my blog.  I'd be happy to answer any questions about our agency (Lifeline!) or our cleft lip/palate special need!  And if you want to read all about how we came to decide to take this journey, click here. 

This blog follows the last turbulent years of my life (several family losses including my dad, mother in law and two brothers, job loss from my husband etc.). But in the end, God has blessed us abundantly more than I could ask and yes, even imagine.

Welcome to our story. 

I am...a rule follower

I have been trying to think about something I could do on the blog ever so often that would be interesting and different.  So, after some thought, I came up with "I am..." posts.  Not to be confused with I AM posts which would be ones God wrote.  :)  "I am..." days will be once a month posts that will tell you a little about who I am.  Some of the things I am will be positive, some negative and some just matter of facts.  I thought it would be a good way to help you know me and later on, help my girls know who I was too...the good, the bad and the ugly.  Because, after all...all of those make up who I am.

I am...a rule follower.

And a die hard one at that.  My father was a police officer and my mother was one of the most kind hearted people on the earth who always did the right thing.  I never heard my mother utter a curse word in my presence (which is more than I can say for my children, unfortunately...)

When I'm filling out a form, I have to fill in every blank.  Bible study books?  EVERY BLANK.  I have been known to write "I don't know" in a blank just to have something there.  Because that's the rules, right?  You are supposed to fill in the blanks!

I read Moby Dick cover to cover in high school never skipping chapters or reading the Cliff's Notes.  Why?  Because that was the rule.

When I was in college, do you know I never skipped a class?  That's right.  NEVER.  My freshman year, I managed to arrange all my classes on MWF (I commuted) and the only days I missed were a Monday and Wednesday when my mom passed away and we buried her.  Mmmmhmmm..you are learning way more about me today, no?

My current job (one of them) is to literally follow rules and ensure everyone around me follows them as well.  Truth.  That's my job.  Compliance.  Look it up.

For many, many years, I never broke the speed limit.  I know, LAME.  But remember, my dad was a cop.  It was instilled in me to follow the law.  And to do the "right thing" at all costs.  I was also afraid of what would happen if I didn't.

And this has bled over into my spiritual life as well.  I DO mess up.  And I mess up ALOT.  I recently broke the confidences of a friend. I was SO disappointed in myself.   I had broken the rules of the friendship.   And you know, I could have brushed my error under the rug and my friend probably would have NEVER known the difference. But instead, I had to confess.   And I did. And she was not happy with me. And it was hard.  And I couldn't fix it.  But you know what comes right behind rule-followers who break the rules?  INTENSE GUILT.  So yeah, there's that. 

So, that's just one more facet of me.  I'm a rule follower.  But I break the rules and mess up all the time.  Thank God his grace is sufficient and his mercies are new every morning.

And lucky for me...so were my friend's. 

Looking towards 2013

2013.

Where did the time go?  I can't believe this year has flown by so fast. I now watch Jenna talk about how slow time seem to move and I warn her that before she knows it, she'll be all grown up with a child of her own and be wondering where the time went.

So as we are headed into a brand new year, I've been thinking of the things I want to do differently in 2013.

I am not making any weight loss goals because those never stick and I've decided to just have plastic surgery when I'm 40.  I'm totally kidding.  Kind of.

One of the things I want to do in 2013 is start spending more time with my family.  Lately, when I put Kylie down at night, I'll go ahead and crawl into bed and do one or a combination of the following:  read, blog, read blogs, watch TV, read/study the Bible, surf the Internet....

I justified this by saying this is the only time I have to myself.  But I realized, I could do any or all of these things while sitting in the living room with my family.  So I'm going to start doing better with that.

Of course, as always, I want to incorporate more time spent in the Word and in prayer.  I bought a new book that I hope will help me do this.

I also want to make sure I eat lunch away from my desk at least once a week at work.  Now that I no longer have a WBFF, it's become very easy to simply eat at my desk at work.  The problem is that I then only take maybe 30 minutes max and after a few weeks of doing this, you start to really get burned out at work.  There's a reason they give you a lunch hour.  I need to take it.  I feel so much better when I do.

I want to do some other minor improvements but nothing significant enough to mention here.  So, that's what I'm looking forward to in 2013.  What are your goals?

Our Daily Schedule

I'm not sure anyone really cares about our schedule, but I want to remember it, so I'm posting it here....of course, come the end of May, all this will change because I'll be going back to work.

Kylie usually wakes up between 7-8am in the morning.  Depending on who is in her room with her, she plays quietly for 10-30 minutes...whoever is sleeping in her room, the other one gets up at the crack of dawn (like 5:45am) to get Jenna ready for school.  A  lot of times, I do the early shift with Jenna because it's what I'm used to.  So, whoever takes her to school is out the door by 6:20am and back in the drive at 7:30.

Kylie gets a diaper change first thing in the morning.  She used to be soaking wet but now that the big 10 oz night time bottle is gone, she's not as wet anymore.  Some days (again, depending on who is sleeping in her room), she'll go ahead and get her clothes changed too.  We feed her as soon as we get downstairs and we try to get her breakfast going no later than 8am because it helps us keep the rest of the day on schedule.

After breakfast, she'll usually sit happily in her high chair (more progress!) long enough for me to clean up the kitchen...her dishes, load/unload the dishwasher, Lysol down the counter etc.  Then when she gets out of her high chair, we'll turn on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (one of the only shows she'll 1/2 way pay attention to!) and she'll play by herself for maybe 30 minutes-1 hour.  That time is getting longer and longer, which again, progress!

When she's over playing in the exersaucer, it's usually time for another diaper change and we'll change her clothes if we haven't already.  Sometimes I play with her upstairs in her room.  I'm trying to read to her now, although she's not interested.  She plays and I read.  I read out of her Jesus Storybook Bible (or Jenna's old one), a Dr. Seuss book and then another Bible story.  When we are done up there, we'll come downstairs and either hang out outside or eat a snack etc. 

Depending on our schedule, she'll either take a 45 minute to 1 hour nap about 10am (also depending on her rising time) or she'll wait until after lunch and take about a 2 hour nap.  We try to feed her a snack about 10 or 10:30 and then depending on her nap, she might have lunch about 12:30 and then nap until 2 or so.  That is a little fluid right now...but it's usually a quick morning nap and then long afternoon nap or we skip the morning nap and take a really LONG afternoon nap.

I've been holding her for her nap and just catching up on my DVRd shows.  But very soon we hope to transition her to her crib or pack in play for naps.  That would free me up to catch up on my 2 Bible studies that I'm desperate to get caught up on!

She does LOVE the movie Annie (which is totally ironic!) but usually enjoys it more when she's riding in Steve's truck.  It's hilarious to watch her watch it.  And like so many other littles, she sure does love the Hot Dog song from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

She is now eating whatever we have and if it's not appropriate, we have tons of Gerber Graduate snacks and meals.  She LOVES Chik Fil A.  She can eat a 4 nugget kids meal in its entirety.  I have grown to love that place!!  :)

She drinks water, grape juice, and 2% milk.  She does NOT like whole milk.  She likes sweets and those little cookies for toddlers.  She does not seem to like goldfish, so we are going to have to work on that!

Her absolute favorite things is the bath.  She loves splashing, playing and squealing.  I can't wait to get her into the pool this summer.  She is going to be a fish like Jenna.

In general, she only cries if she's tired (sleepy or of what she's doing).  I usually try to keep her entertained in the floor just so she will be happy to give me a few minutes of quiet time.

So that's our day.  Some days are a little different depending on whether one of us has something to do.  Steve does a lot of the playing when I have stuff that has to be done.  Like I recently had to fill out some stuff online so he watched her and kept her occupied.  When it's laundry time, if Steve's not here, I'll just take her upstairs with me and sit her in her crib to play and I'll separate or fold laundry in her room.  I'm just figuring it out as I go!

Preparing to Leave...

In one week from today, I'll be flying high on my way to get to Kylie.  I keep getting 3 questions so I thought I'd answer these questions here.

1.  Are you getting excited?  Well.  Yes, of course I'm excited.  But I am in planning mode now and between home and work, I really haven't taken time to think about getting excited.  But I'm getting there.  Jenna is excited and Deanne is excited.  And I'll be excited too.  Probably as soon as I allow myself.

2.  Did you get all the money you need raised?  No, we didn't raise the entire amount.  There is a lot of cost to traveling to China.  We have airfare from the states to Beijing, from Beijing to Jiangsu, from Jiangsu to Guangzhou and from Hong Kong back to the US.  We are taking a van from Guangzhou to Hong Kong, which is about $400.  That's not to mention the hotels in Beijing, Nanjing, Guangzhou and Hong Kong.  I am flying Steve to Chicago to meet us when we come back so we can fly to Nashville together as a family.  So I have purchased airfare and hotel for that too.  Plus, we have tours in those areas.  We have put all our travel so far on a rewards credit card.  We are praying that some last minute grants come in before we leave.  We will have to pay the rest of what's due this week.

3.  Do you need anything?  Right now, the thing we need most is prayer.  Our lives are about to change in a major way.  And that will look different for everyone in the family.  In a few days I'll blog about specific prayer requests.  But until then, just pray for our family as we prepare for the days ahead.

Valentine's Love

I'm copying this from my WBFF Katelyn's blog and she copied it from here.  You've gotta read Katelyn's blog because I think it might be one of my favorite posts she's done.  It's sweet and funny and just worth a quick read.  Plus, she'll love me forever if all my bloggy friends go visit her blog too!

Anyway, I thought it was a cute idea and since I'm currently out of things to say while we are waiting for China to say it's OK to come and get Kylie, I thought I'd shake things up about and write about something NON adoption related.  GASP.

So, for those of you who don't know us well and for those that could repeat this story themselves, here's OUR love story...

How long have you and your significant other been together? 
We'll celebrate 16 years of wedded bliss on June 1, 2012.  Our "official" date was July 24, 1994.  That was the day we first kissed. And yes, I really did make the first move.  As in typical male fashion, he wasn't picking up on my signals, so I just made it easy for him. :)  We were engaged on my 21st birthday and married a year later right before I turned 22. Yes.  I was young.  But I'd aged many years since my mom died in 1992. 


Yes, this was pre-engagement and pre-digital camera.  Gah.

How did you meet? {What's your "love story"?}
Love it or hate it, we met because of Steve's older daughter, Micah.  I began teaching 3rd and 4th grade Sunday School at my home church and because it was my home church, I knew everyone and everyone knew me.  Except I didn't know this cute bob-haired girl in my class.  She just showed up one day with her cousin.  I didn't understand it then, but I was drawn to her unlike any other child.  When I began to research who she was she told me her dad was the new drummer at the church.  A-ha!  I now made the connection.  So as Micah and I got closer, I started recruiting her daddy to help in the children's department.  Mind you, I was 19 about to turn 20 at the time we met.  Steve was 35, so it certainly could have turned scandalous once we started dating.  I'm not even exaggerating when I say that I loved Steve's kids long before I loved him.  I never thought Chase liked me much, so I worked hard to ensure that he did!  I never imagined my future spouse as being divorced with two kids, but I would not have it any other way.  I love Micah and Chase (and now Gage, Micah's son) in a way I never imagined was possible with children not born of my own body.  But it's true.  And once I was hooked on the kids, it didnt' take long for me to get hooked on Steve.  And well, I think he liked me a little too.  :)

If married, how long have you been married? If not, is this the guy you hope to marry? 
I covered this above, but yes, we are married...happily.  Going on 16 years.  And if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

Do you have any nicknames you call one another?
Well, yes, I call him "honey" a lot or "hon".  I think he calls me "baby" occasionally.  Honestly, as unromantic as it seems...I think we are past the nicknames stage. 

Name three things you love most about your honey?
Only 3?  I love the way Steve loves me unconditionally.  I am a far cry from being a perfect anything, wife being the top of that list.  But you know what?  Steve overlooks it all.  But more than that, he loves God more than me.

I love the way Steve shows his love for me.  Things that most people wouldn't think about...like how many times he has filled my van up with gas unbeknowst to me.  I'll get in the van and get all flustered remembering that I have to go and get gas and look down and there's a full tank.  That means more to me than flower or candy or anything else he can buy me.

I love what a great father he is.  He'll be the first to admit he's not perfect, but I SEE the difference he is making in Jenna's life.  I saw how he tried to make a difference in his older kids' lives when they were younger and how proud he is of how they have turned out.  And I see him being a huge influence in Kylie's life.  Kids need the love and acceptance of a father.  But most of all, they need a father's presence.  And even though not working isn't Steve's first choice, his availability to Jenna has increased tremendously and that is not something most dad's can say.


Source

 Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day or strawberries, champagne and rose petals?
He's a flower and candy for me, but teddy bear and candy for Jenna.  After 16-18 Valentine's days, we are really lucky to exchange cards.

Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl or a pop in a movie and relax on the couch kind of girl? 
Totally relaxing at home kind of girl.  I don't think Steve and I have ever been a super outgoing couple.  We've always enjoyed being at home together.  We do like the occasional movie and dinner for sure.  But both of us would prefer staying home to going out most nights.  Yes, I know it screams "old married couple", but I'm embracing our oldness.

Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant other one day. 
I want to take him to New York City at Christmas.  I have been to NYC but not at Christmas and Steve has never been.  I just think it would be super neat to take a long weekend to see all the sights there.  I don't want to be there literally ON Christmas...just during the holidays some time.  So if there is anyone who wants to treat us to that gift, feel free!  Oh, and I'd also like to spend about 2 weeks in Hawaii.  That one is more for me though. 

Tell us what you plan to do this v day? 
I'm working and Steve is at home.  Just like any other day.  We exchanged cards and gifts this morning.  He'll have dinner on the table when I get home and we'll eat and sit on the couch.  Told you we were stay-at-home kinda people!

Are you asking for anything this valentine's day? 
Nope.  Just that we are together is enough.  Such a cliched answer and one that I used to roll my eyes at, but somewhere along the way, it's become true.  Just being with him is enough.

Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love.
Other than putting God smack dab in the center of your marriage?  Putting the other person first in everything you do and think.  Easy to write, SO hard to put into action.

Show us a picture of what love means to you.

Source

2011 Year In Review

I know we are more than 2 weeks into 2012, but saw this 2011 recap survey on another blog and thought it might be fun, so...here we go!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
We sent a dossier to China and got a referral!!!

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?I didn't make resolutions this year.  I did decide to just be nicer and love people more.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Well, my friend Lindsey had a baby right before Christmas.  And my friend Maribeth also had the sweetest baby boy several months ago

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thank goodness, NO.  We've had enough death in the past few years to last us a lifetime. 

5. What countries did you visit?
No new countries in 2011, but South Africa in 2010 and CHINA in 2012!!!

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?My baby girl from China?  OK, so probably more patience.  I know better than to ask for it, but I know I'm going to need it with a new baby in the house and still waiting on an answer to Steve's job search.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 3, the day we saw Kylie's face for the first time.

8. What was your biggest achievement for the year?
Finishing our dossier and getting it to China in March

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not keeping up with my quiet time with God or with my personal relationship with Christ.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had a really bad bout of laryngitis in the fall.  I guess that is about it, thankfully.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Hands down, my iPhone!!!!

12. Where did most of your money go?
Ha!  The adoption!

13. What did you get really excited about?Getting the referral for Kylie.  It was so unexpected.  A close runner up was getting our LOA after 144 days

14. What song will always remind you of 2011?How He Loves by the David Crowder Band

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
-Happier or sadder?  Happier!
-Thinner or fatter?  I'd love to say thinner, but no...I'm heavier.
-Richer or poorer? Poorer

16. What do you wish you'd done more of?Enjoyed time with Jenna.  It was her last year of being an only child.

17. What do you wish you'd done less of?Worrying.

18. How did you spend Christmas?Christmas Day morning was the three of us and Christmas Day afternoon with the Taylors.  The evening was spent with Chase.

19. What was your favorite TV program?
Bones

20. What were your favorite books of the year?I guess the latest installment of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum Series.  Or the Sookie Stackhouse, True Blood.

21. What was your favorite music this year?
Praise and worship mainly.  You can't beat the live music at the Church at Station Hill!

22. What were your favorite films of the year?
I don't EVER get to watch movies in the theatre. 

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 37 in June.  I went to Memphis for Steve's bowling tournament.  So literally we were driving back from there on my birthday.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?Having our LOA soon enough to have Kylie home by her first birthday.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?Wha?  I don't have a personal fashion concept.  I never buy new clothes, mainly because I don't have the money.  I'm not a clothes girl.  Sad, I know.

26. What kept you sane?
A great agency.  A supportive husband.  The best friends a girl could ask for.  But above all...a Faithful Father.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.God's timing IS perfect even when I don't understand it.  And He loves me and pursues me no matter what.

Found on my iPhone

These kinds of posts are some of my favorites to read, so I thought I'd join in the fun.  Hopefully you'll enjoy it too!

Basically, this is just a sampling of the photos on my iPhone at the moment...

Jenna and I using the Mac at Best Buy the day I was buying the iPad for our raffle.  Jenna discovered this photobooth app and was having a blast.  This picture makes me laugh every time I see it.

If I ever wanted to know what Jenna would look like if she'd been born an alien, now I know.  :)  Another funny one.  Funny enough that I would buy a Mac just to play with this!

One of my fave Christmas presents, my new camera bag!  I asked for a new one to take to China.  this one has PLENTY of room for my camera, lenses and my personal items like money etc. while in China.  More to come on that...

Jenna modeling one of her outfits from her Nana.  Think I'm going to have a heartbreaker on my hands in a few years?  Yeah, me too!

Can't remember where I was when we took this one, but thought it was cute.  I don't do a lot of the self-portrait photos, but need to do more.

My favorite photo for today...took this using Instagram.  Amazing at what that app can do!  We were at a new Mexican restaurant in our city and YUM!  While waiting on our queso, we took a few snaps...and yes, it was DELISH.

A to Z

I'm still feeling a little down from yesterday and had nothing much to say today, so there was going to be no blog.  But my friend Katelyn (that's her over there in my adoption t-shirt...which SHE designed!) did this on her blog today and I thought I'd join in.

A.  Age – 37.  Ugh.  I'm on the downhill slide to 40.  Or maybe I'm on the upswing?  Perspective.
B.  Bed size – King. We had a queen up until Katie came.  Then it was either an upgrade or me sleeping in the guest room.  Good thing we chose the upgrade since the guestroom is now a nursery!!
C.  Chore that you hate – Cleaning the litterbox.  Yes, the cats are mine, but Steve does it for me (God love him)...the dust from the litter makes me sneeze and wheeze.
D.  Dogs – Katie.  Enough said.
E.  Essential start to your day – Breakfast.  Doesn't have to be major, but something and DIET COKE.  That's my coffee.
F.  Favorite color – Red
G.  Gold or silver – Depends on what.  If jewelry, I like both.
H. Height – 5’2
I.  Instruments you play – Piano.  I took lessons for 10 years.  But do not ask me to play at your party or get together because I won't.
J.  Job title – Benefits Compliance Coordinator.
K. Kids – One who is the light of my life and another on the way.
L.  Live – A little town south of Nashville.
M. Mother’s name – Virginia or Ginger and Bertie (stepmom)
N.  Nicknames – Sandy, but only for people who don't know I don't go by that.
O.  Overnight hospital stays – Having a baby!!!!  
P.  Pet peeves – How much room do I have here?  Seriously?  Women who make up and drive.  And who have their rearview mirrors pointed towards them.  Are you kidding?  Get up at 5am like I do and put your stinkin' makeup on!
Q.  Quote from a movie – Too many to write here.  There are some movies I could basically quote the whole thing...
R. Right or left handed – right.
S. Siblings – biologically...2 half brothers and 3 half sisters. 
T. Time it takes you to get ready – I shower at night.  So, I guess about 25 minutes from final alarm to downstairs for breakfast.
U. Underwear – Yes, please.
V. Vegetable you hate – Tomatoes.  I know, but I just don't like them.
W. What makes you run late – TRAFFIC.
X-rays you’ve had – On my knee.  
Y. Yummy food you make – Hmmm...I make some good oreo balls and cake balls.  Steve makes really delish sausage balls.  Balls.  I am starting to see a pattern.
Z. Zoo animal – Zebras, elephants and giraffes.  Saw them all on a safari in South Africa.  Seeing them in their natural habitat and not behind cages, bars or fences...amazing.
That was fun.  I got some of my snarky attitude out.  So go ahead and jump in.  Copy and paste and then insert your own answers.

Exhausted

I am exhausted.

I'm tired of waiting for our LOA to arrive with no sign that it's coming anytime soon.  Adoption is an entire game of waiting.  First you wait on your agency to accept you into the program.  Then you wait on a number of other people during your paperchase.  Doctors, police departments, social workers, nurses, CPAs...you are waiting on THEM.  Then you are waiting on the US Immigration Department.  Then China.  Then...then...then...and so I'm tired of waiting.

I'm tired of being financially strapped.  I've not made it public on here mostly because I didn't want to answer any questions about it.  Steve's no longer employed.  It's a very long story but the company lost the contract he was working under and in the end, it just didn't work out.  The whole process of going from him staying home all the time to him working full time, going through the training, knowing the contract was ending, etc. It was exhausting not only to my emotions but to our marriage.

I'm tired of fundraising.  Yes, I said it.  I'm tired of asking the people I love and respect the most to give me money.  I hate that I have to do it.  I hate that I can't just do it all on my own.  I don't know why I can't be one of those people who get an anonymous donation that covers all our expenses. After we get this done, I will never fundraise again!  It's exhausting.

I'm tired of filling out adoption grants.  They aren't easy.  You are constantly reminded of your financial situation.  And then come the rejection letters.  I'm tired of hearing "Sorry, we just can't help everyone." *  I'm tired.

I'm tired of hearing "It's all in God's timing".  I know thats not comfortable for you to read.  It's not comfortable for me to write.  Some of my best friends have said this to me.  Some acquaintances have said this.  And yes.  I KNOW it's all in God's timing.  And yes.  I KNOW it will happen when HE ordains.  But in this moment, right now...I'm tired. 

I don't want to hear it.  But I also know the things we need to hear most are quite honestly the ones we'd probably rather not hear at all.  Even though I don't WANT to hear it, I NEED to hear it.  It reminds me that everything is filtered through God's hands.

So I'm tired.  Exhausted.  I want to have enough money to pay my bills, to pay off our adoption, our LOA, Steve a job.

But until then, I have to rest physically and emotionaly when I can.  And thank God for friends that encourage me even when I'd rather wallow in my self pity.  And be glad they tell me things even when it's hard to hear.



*Please know I'm exceedingly grateful for the two grants we did get!

Welcome to Flashback Friday!

Over at my friend Katelyn's blog, she's started Flashback Friday.  I thought I'd give it a try...not sure how many Fridays I can come up with something to flash back to, but we'll see.  Hers are a little different than mine, but you'll get the idea...

Katelyn is young so she probably has no idea what these are.  But I bet many of my readers do.  Remember them?  Before the days of the CD and iTunes?

CASSINGLES (or AKA cassette singles)!!!!  And look at those titles...some of my favorites:

"Do me"-OH. MY. WORD.  Just goes to show you I never actually listened to the words of most of what I listened to.  I would have a COW if I heard a song like this on Jenna's iPod.

"All This Time"- Tiffany.  Ah, Tiffany.  I did love this song!

"Just a Friend" - Biz Markie.  This one brings back memories.  My family didn't have cable.  I got cable when Steve and I married.  But I could find one channel in between the others...fuzzy, lots of snow but I could make out this video on some video knockoff channel.  Good times.

"I've Been Waiting For You" by the Guys Next Door.  Does ANYONE remember them?  I know my friend Staci does.  :) 

Oh yes, I can tell I'm gonna like Flashback Fridays!!!

Pet Peeves

I thought I might just take a moment to share with you my top 10 pet peeves.  I'd love to hear yours.  I realized in writing these out that several of them have to do with driving.  Apparentl, I'm a pretty happy person until I get in the car and then I turn into a raving lunatic.  Which is mighty unfortunate considering I'm on the road at a minimum of 2 hours a day.

So without furtho ado:

10.  People that stare at Steve and Katie.  You would be amazed at how rude people can be (or maybe not).  I'd rather you ask a stupid question because at least then we can educate you, but to just stare like you've never seen a dog before is rude. 

9.  Drivers that act like they are in the Daytona 500 during rush hour.  Seriously.  Weaving in and out of traffic will not always get you further faster.

8.  Grocery shoppers who are oblivious that there is anyone else in the store with them.  You know the type...they are standing there, with their cart in the aisle, staring at the food, all the while, you are trying to squeeze through beside her trying not to knock the display down.  Hey, PAY ATTENTION!  You aren't the only one shopping!

7.  School drop off line.  There is one woman at our school who drops her son off about the same time I'm there dropping Jenna off.  She will pull into the drop off line about 1/2 way, put her vehicle in park, get out, walk (slowly) around the car, open the son's door, wait for him to get out (slowly), close the door behind him and then WALK HIM INTO THE SCHOOL.  I drop JG off early enough that there's not really a long line of cars, but by the time she goes through this ritual, cars are backed up onto the road.  If you are going to walk your 3rd grader into the school every day, then, oh, I don't know...park in a PARKING SPOT and get out of the drop off line!

6.  I despise it when people make a joke about you but then just keep on either at that moment or every time they see you.  I can laugh at myself with the best of them (heck, there's a lot to laugh at!) but it's funny once or twice.  After that, it's just annoying.

5.  People who drive around with their rear view mirror facing them.  That's NOT what it is for.  Are you so vain that you have to look at yourself when you drive?

4.  People who in the cafeteria at work who don't move all the way down to the end of the line while waiting on their food.  Do they SEE the line of people behind them?  Move on down PEOPLE!

3.  On the tail of number 4, I hate it when I'm standing in line at the cafeteria or anywhere else and the people who are standing behind me are standing RIGHT behind me.  You know, like you can't even shift your weight or else you are stepping on them  Get outta my personal space!

2.  Drivers during rush hour who go below the speed limit.  I sit in A LOT of traffic since I have a lengthy commute.  I have realized lately that ALL that backup is due to this bonehead in the very front who is riding along at a leisurely speed of 55mph in a 70mph zone with 2 miles of space in front of them and the next car.  Hey, guess what?  Some of us have worked all day.  Let's move it along.

1.  Women putting on their makeup while driving.  Now, hear me...I have put on lipstick while sitting at a red light. I have foofed (is that a word?) my hair while sitting at a light.  But I have never done a full on makeup job while sitting at a light (unless I wasn't driving).  My opinion is that you should get up early enough to take care of that or do it when you get where you are going.  Sorry for any of you that do this, but it's dangerous and I don't want to wait behind you while you are beautifying yourself in the mirror. 

So, what have we learned?  Clearly no one is perfect like me.  And I driving issues.  Or, perhaps just ISSUES.  Obviously.

Thank you and that's all.

Living on a Farm

This is going to be a totally and completely random post, so just bear with me.

The area I live in is the perfect combination of city and country.  I live in a subdivion where the homes are all on quarter acre lots and we know most of our neighbors.  However, where I live, on a quite night, I can hear the cows mooing in the fields of a nearby farm.

Each season, I see the baby calves in the fields and pass the fields of hay, wheat or corn being harvested.  And that's why I love my city! 

I've always wanted to live on a farm.  Well, OK, I'm not so sure about living on a farm, but maybe just knowing someone who does so that I could go out and pet the animals, pick some corn and just enjoy nature.

It just seems that is such a simple way of life.  Someone told me recently they knew of a family who is completely self sufficient on their farm.  Wow.  That's pretty impressive.  There's definitely something to be said about that.

It's ALL done...

Praise be to God that I finally finished all my Christmas shopping Friday night.  All the way down to the stocking stuffers!  I can't tell you what a load this takes off me.  However, I still have wrapping to do.  Yesterday I managed to put a dent in the wrapping while watching Love Actually.  I know it's not the cleanest movie out there, but I sure do enjoy watching it.  It has become my own personal tradition...

I set up the card table in the bedroom with all my wrapping paper and bows and wrap while I watch it.  It makes the time go so much faster and some years I end up watching it multiple times. 

Our tree looks even more beautiful with the presents under it.  I love Christmas. Another tradition that I'm looking super forward to is going to ICE! at Opryland with the Millsaps.  We have done this several years in a row, however, this year we are opting to skip ICE! and just do Snow instead.  After we are done, we visit Cock of the Walk.  This year, I might talk them into going to the Opryland Hotel which has now reopened after completely flooding this past May.  It's just so stinkin expensive to park...it's really ridiculous especially after spending money to see Snow and eat.  But we'll see...

Happy Sunday to you all.  Hope you have a blessed and restful day!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas...

We haven't started Christmas decorating at our house yet, but it's not for lack of desire.  We'll hopefully get to it this weekend.  The looong weekend, praise Jesus!

Until then, I saw this on a blog I read frequently and I thought it would be a good way to usher in the season.

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? HOT CHOCOLATE! 

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?  Well up until JG started noticing that Santa used the same wrapping paper as us, they were wrapped.  Now they are mostly unwrapped because I'm too lazy and busy to try and figure out different wrapping paper.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? I think we prefer white on the house and tree.  But we have gone back and forth over the years.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope.  Never.  Don't need it.

5. When do you put your decorations up? Thanksgiving weekend.  If I don't get it done while I'm off work, it might NEVER get done.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? I'm a huge fan of the appetizer/finger food.  I do like sausage balls.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child? Christmas Eve with my family and waking up Christmas morning.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? 3rd grade.  Jamie Daniel.  He was the first one to put the thought in my mind and the light bulb just went off.  I never told my parents I didn't believe, but somewhere along the way they figured it out.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Every Christmas as a child and I've carried that tradition on.  Usually JG opens up PJs on Christmas Eve.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? With lots of frustration.  One day I'm going to have the perfect tree and a bunch of perfect ornaments to make the process easier.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Love it as long as I don't have to drive in it.  And even then, it's OK as long as I can come home and play in it like a kid.

12. Can you ice skate? That depends on your definition.  I try not to.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? One year in my early teenage years, I asked for a Nintendo and a leather jacket....knowing I would only get one "expensive" gift.  Somehow both ended up under the tree.  It was a banner year.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Trying to teach my daughter about the REAL reason for the season.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Hmmm...chocolate something.  Maybe homemade chocolate covered cherries.  Oh, but I do love my chocolate chip cheese ball

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Spending Christmas Eve with the Millsaps.  I know one day, they might actually have to spend it with their own family, but for now, it sure does fill a void for me.

17. What tops your tree? Usually a star.  I don't mean to sound sacreligious but I really am not a huge angel-atop-the-tree fan.

18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving? Both.  I mean, who doesn't love to receive gifts?  I especially like it when it's something homemade from Jenna or something that Steve thought of himself (without having me put it on a list).   But there is NOTHING like giving someone else THE gift.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? O Holy Night. 

20. Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum? Depends, but usually yum.

21 Favorite Christmas Movie? National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.  Christmas just wouldn't be complete without it.  And then tied for first is Love Actually.  I watch this movie while I wrap presents and it makes that chore all the more enjoyable. 

22. Saddest Christmas Song? Mary Did You Know.

OK, your turn!

Welcome to My Crazy Adoption Readers!

If you linked here from My Crazy Adoption post, THANK YOU!  It's so nice to meet you.  I'm so excited to tell me story again and I can't wait to hear yours!

The story of how we began our adoption journey starts here.  Actually it's starts way back before this blog even began, but you'll get the general gist!

We have just completed our home study and sent the USCIS package off, so now the beginning of the waiting begins.

So, welcome to Just Haven't Met You Yet.  Please feel free to browse my blog, enter to win the iPad (the link is just over there to the right), and become a follower (add me to your Google Reader!)  I'm what I affectionately call a "blog 'ho".  I LOVE reading blogs.  So if you have a blog, leave me a comment below and I'll add you to the ever expanding list of blogs I read.

Thanks for visiting!  I hope you'll keep coming back!

What do you know about me?

So, I saw this on another blog and thought it would be fun to do...you can learn a little more about me!

1. What is your favorite thing to snack on while your blogging?
I don't usually snack while blogging...but if I am, probably something chocolate!

2. What is one thing you wouldn't want to live without?
Obviously my family comes to mind, but since the question is about a "thing", I'd say, my cell phone. I know it's totally non-spiritual but it's true...

3. Beach, Mountains, or Farm? Where would you live if you had a choice?
I'd like to say Beach, but only if I was retired there and didn't have to work. Although I love the beach, I'm not sure that I'd love it if I had it in my back yard all the time.

4. What's your least favorite chore/household duty?
I really hate vacuuming. Not sure why, but I do.

5. Who do people say you remind them of?
This is tough. I don't know that anyone says I remind them of someone in particular. More often, I've gotten the "You remind me of my best friend", so I guess that would have to be it.

6. Prefer parties and socializing or staying home with the fam?
Depends. As you know, I love my "MY" time, but I love being with my family and just hanging out.

7. What's your all time favorite movie?
Gosh, I don't know...I really like Love Actually. I watch it over and over every Christmas. Last year, I started wrapping gifts at a card table in my bedroom and would watch it while I wrapped. Makes wrapping go a lot faster.

8. Do you sleep in your make-up or remove it like a good little girl every night?
I really should remove it every night. Some evenings I do, but more often than not, I sleep in it. Of course, in my defense, I don't wear a lot of makeup to take off!

9. Do you have a hidden talent or a deep desire to learn something that you've never had a chance to learn? What is it?
No hidden talent that's for sure. I really wish I could play a instrument really well. I'd love to play in the church orchestra. And I wish I'd been blessed with a beautiful singing voice. I would love to sing on stage especially worship songs...I could totally get into that if I could keep from crying while singing!

10. What's one strange thing you're really good at?
Organizing? I do a good job at meal planning and grocery shopping etc. If you've ever been to my house, you know there is always a 2 week meal plan on my fridge...helps save money when shopping for groceries.

11. What first attracted you to your spouse?
Micah, Steve's daughter (my step-daughter). I fell in love with her long before I knew Steve. It was a total God-thing.

12. What is something you love to smell?
Fresh cut grass in the spring. Or the smell of coffee especially when it's cold out (though I'm not much of a coffee drinker).

13. Tell something about you that you know irritates people.
I totally overanalyze things and probably take things way too personally that aren't meant to be personal.

14. When you have extra money, what's the first thing you think to do with it?
Well, first I have to determine whether I have bills that need to be paid or a need that has to be met. Then I pretty much spend it on whatever.

15. Are you a silent laugher or a loud laugher? What makes you laugh the hardest?
Loud laugher and I get in trouble at work all the time for it. Genuinely funny people that crack themselves up make me laugh hardest. Watching Whose Line Is It Anyway? where the comedians get themselves tickled makes me laugh until I cry.

16. Where is your favorite place to shop?
Depends on what I'm shopping for. I hate clothes shopping because I'm obviously way bigger than I wish to be. Otherwise, I like Target or Hobby Lobby (for all my scrapbooking needs)...when I do have to shop for clothes, I love Kohls.

17. What's one thing you'd do more often if you had more time?
Hmmm...this is a toss up between scrapbooking and reading. Although if I could get caught up on my scrapbooking, I'd have more time to read.

18. Are you a big spender or frugal?
Frugal. I am stuck in the 90s and can't stand to pay more than $20 for any piece of clothing, pair of shoes or purse. I know...it just doesn't work these days. People who spend hundreds of dollars on shoes or purses...I just don't get that. Sorry if you are one of those people...I just can't see spending that kind of money on stuff...but I could see spending it at the scrapbook store. :) :) :)

19. Who is your favorite character of all time?
Character? I'm not sure I get this question. I don't think I have one.

20. Would you want to be famous?
No. No desire whatsoever. I'd like to be related to someone famous. Then I could say, "Oh, Brad Pitt is my brother in law" or "I roomed with Drew Barrymore in college"