I'm sorry I've missed a day or two of posting. Quite frankly this journey has turned hard and I'm exhausted.
We got up very early yesterday to visit the orphanage. It is about 4 hours away, so we had to meet our guide downstairs at 7am. I haven't been eating much because honestly, I simply don't care for the food. Plus, our hotel doesn't have many baby high chairs, so I am constantly trying to wrangle a wiggling baby while eating. It's my new weight loss plan.
For bonding reasons, I am supposed to be the only one meeting her needs such as picking her up while she's crying, feeding her, changing her etc. That is all well and good, but when you don't have your spouse here, it's absolutely exhausting. I'll do a separate post about the orphanage visit and what we did today (Thursday), which wasn't much, but this post, I want to talk about what is going on with us here. I definitely need your prayers.
Kylie is a very smart and happy child. It is clear from the reaction of the orphanage staff to her that she was very well liked and cared for. I also found out that in mid-November, they sent her to foster care so she would have more direct care after her lip surgery. She was with a foster family until just a few days before we came to get her.
Because Kylie is so happy and everyone loved her, she will go to anyone at all. Anyone that is standing up or moving around. She is in constant motion. I wish I were exaggerating, but I'm not. She literally does not sit still EVER. When you are the only one able to care for her, this gets old really quick.
Anyway, we had a super early morning yesterday and a grand total of 8 hours in the van to and from the orphanage. Much to my dismay and against my wishes and better judgment, the orphanage staff took Kylie, fed her and loved on her. It was distressing, but very quickly I learned that I had to chill out about it. The orphanage staff was very hospitable and served us a huge feast most of which none of us would even try. (I will do a post on that I promise). Anyway, despite the fact that we were all exhausted yesterday, I put Kylie down at 8pm and she was awake at 1am for a bottle. She took that very well but when I put her back down, she would cry. After about an hour of this, I was absolutely exhausted. I was up from 1 until about 5am after getting very little sleep the night before.
And when I am exhausted to that point, it isn't pretty. I spent most of the morning crying. Every time someone was nice, I started to cry. Finally I decided that even though I was not following all the books on bonding, I was going to have to have some help. At 5am, Deanne got up and took Kylie from me (who was sleeping soundly) and let me sleep about an hour. After breakfast, we didn't have plans so we came back up to the room where Deanne took her again and I got maybe 2 or 2 1/2 hours of nap.
Tonight, I'm exhausted again and dread the night ahead. We have the morning free tomorrow and we leave at 2pm to head to the airport to go to Guangzhou. We have one more week in China and I cannot wait to get back home where the people I love are, everywhere you go doesn't smell like cigarette smoke and everyone speaks my language.
I have always said that adoption is not for the faint hearted. The waits are horrible. And while I was waiting, I would have given anything to be here getting Kylie. But the long waits are nothing compared to this. This journey is so many times sensationalized. You have Gotcha Day with all it's excitement and then the signing of the papers and all that entails. You do occasionally see the hard parts with grieving, but the exhaustion is nearly unbearable.
Well, I have a crying baby wanting a bottle. More to come...