12.28.2011

Kylie's Post-Surgery Pics!

Yes!  We finally have some and we are very excited to show them to the world.  But before I do, I need to do some explaining...today is day 142 of the wait for our LOA which is the next step before moving forward.  This is over double the amount of time we should have had to wait.

I find myself desperate for information, ANY information, about our LOA or about our sweet Kylie, only to spin into a downward spiral when I get it.  We have been anxiously awaiting post-surgery pictures and last night I received them.  However, when I opened them up, I thought they'd sent pictures of a different child.  I immediately took the computer to Steve and asked if he thought this was Kylie and he said it really didn't look like her (so in my defense, it was a little shock to see).  I even went as far as to email my agency back and ask them to double-check.  However, as we pulled up picture after picture of her from before and began to compare, we began to recognize her familiar features, finally determinting this indeed was our Kylie.

And that's when I started to cry.  I wish I could say I was crying for sheer joy that we'd finally be able to see her face, but in reality, I was devastated.  Devastated that I had not even recognized my own child's photo.  It has been SO long since we've seen her and she has changed so much.  I cried myself to sleep and dreamed about my LOA and in my dream I was crying.  I woke up depressed and proceeded to cry most of the morning off and on.  My friends and blog readers, I have found my breaking point.  YOU ARE HERE.  Welcome to my insanity.  I do not know how much longer I can wait.  We still have many weeks and months to go AFTER we get LOA in order to travel, so that is just the next step.

I honestly do not know how I'm going to make it much longer.  I have had numerous people to say "hang in there" or "it'll all make sense later" or "it will be worth it when you have her in your arms" or "God has the master plan"...I KNOW.  I've been a Christian since I was 10 years old.  I am pretty sure that I have learned all this.  IT DOESN'T HELP!  Right now, I'm not there.  I'm here.  Waiting.  FOREVER.  I know these words are said in an effort to comfort me, but right now, they are not.  I feel like perhaps the only thing that will help is prayers.  If you aren't "religious", I'll take whatever you've got.  Well wishes, thoughts, etc.  But I feel like I am sincerely at the end of my rope with this wait.  I have seen people say that before and I always thought, "Whoa, drama!!!" but now that I'm here, there's no drama to it.  Only reality.

You see, until now, I've held this child of mine at arm's length.  She was "a photo of my child" and nothing more.  I loved her, kinda.  I mean, I loved her as much as you can love someone thousands of miles away who you've only seen about 6 photos of.  Some people see the picture of their referral child and immediately fall in love.  It wasn't that way with me.  My love has definitely grown over the past few months, but last night it took a huge turn.  This little girl is no longer just a photo.  She is MY CHILD.  And I need to be with her. 

And yes, my agency is doing everything they can, but there is only so far they can go with China.  They are only as good as the information they are given.  I was told weeks ago my LOA was on the way only to be told later there was some type of miscommunication or misinformation and it was still in process.  Late last week I was told my LOA was in the last, short stage of the process and should be here before end of the year.  Well, by my calculations, the end of the year is nearly here and my LOA isn't.  So you see, there's really not much more I can do except continue t put one foot in front of the other and ask for your prayers and thoughts as I try to make it through to the next step.

So for those of you who made it through that whole horrid post, here are the sweet pictures of our baby girl...





Yes, it appears they shaved her head again, but I've since learned that sometime they do so before surgery so they are able to insert the IV.  We also know she is 15lbs, 26.7 inches long, 17.7inches around in the chest and has a head circumference of 16.9inches.  We believe except for the weight, these are all going in the right direction.  We're having a international adoption pediatrician review them and hopefully will get the green light on what we know.  She also has a 10cm foot which is about 4 inches...if you happen to know what size shoe that equates to, let me know! 

10 comments:

Molly's Mum said...

She is BEAUITFUL xxxxxx

Joy said...

Sandra,
I am not sure if I have anything to say that will make you feel better. I know what an excruciatingly long wait without any explanation is like. We waited 132 days for our LOA back in the summer/fall of 2009 and we were a 600 family. We should have traveled in September instead of the November trip that we ended up having. I would call my (former) agency (I am now with your agency) several times a week and they would tell us-China said it is coming (it wasn't). It is so frustrating when it feels like people are lying to you and you want to believe they aren't, but it just hurts so much. It is so hard to see your baby growing up without you and you can't do anything about it. I did have to tell myself that she was too little to know anything about us. She was in a familiar place with familiar people, foods, smells, etc. She wasn't waiting for us. She wasn't frustrated because we should have already been holding her in our arms. It helped (okay maybe only for a few minutes). I will keep your family in my prayers. I can't wait to see your sweet girl in your arms.
On a lighter note, her hair cracks me up. I can just picture a nice big bow in that center spiky section. My daughter was shaved to the scalp when we got her. Thank heavens for headbands with attachable flowers.
Thinking of you,
Joy

roomforatleastonemore said...

Sandra,

I'm sorry for your wait. It stinks. It is terrible.

I am also sorry she has grown so much you don't recognize her. Growth is really good though for a cleft-affected child. In the last picture, it looks just like her to me. And her chubby cheeks seem to indicate she is growing well.

I speak only from my experience but 15 lbs. sounds GREAT! I adopted a 35-month-old who weighed 18 lbs. and a 5-year-old who weighed 24 lbs. ... so 15 lbs. at less than one year sounds great. And her chubby cheeks ... looking great!

I would buy squeaky shoes in China, but if you wanted to take a pair with you, you can just take a sewing tape measure in your purse and measure some shoes at Tar-Jay or somewhere and guess on which one will fit that tiny little foot!

Some retail therapy is definitely in order. :)

Katie Thompson said...

Thanks for being so honest. We've seen other friends in a similar place that you are, and you're right. There just aren't any words! However, I'm so glad that your sweet girl continues to grow and seems to have come through her surgery well. You've got my prayers, and if nothing else, my heart can break with yours until she is home at last!

Molly's Mum said...

Just got your comment and your one on RQ - YOU ROCK GIRLFRIEND xxxxxx

AshleyAnn said...

She is beautiful. I can't imagine that wait...praying for a surprise in your mailbox this week. (found you on RQ)

brook said...

olivia's foot was 10.5 cm...we took a size 5 in converse and they were perfect! they were just hand me down's from her brother and then we stocked up in guangzhou. we had ZERO opportunity for shopping when we were in her province. i'm also glad i brought one pair because then i was certain her shoes would match what i packed. lol. the shoes they brought her in were also horrible and were giving her sores on her feet so i'm glad she didn't have to wear them one more second!

i'm sorry you are waiting so long. :( i pray for good news soon!!!!!!!!! i remember feeling sooooo impatient during the wait and you have been patient for much longer than i have been.

she is beautiful. :) i love the new pictures!

brook

Julie said...

Nothing to say other than I am praying for you! I cannot even imagine. But her new pictures are precious, but I can see how you didn't recognize her. She is beautiful, spikey hair and all :)

Lillie Family said...

i know what you mean. I have memorized my 4 mos referral photo of Emma. She is now 15 mos and I know that when i finally hold her in early january I will think 'who is this kid?!' lol.

praying for loa soon.

kristin said...

Oh, you are in my prayers! I had a 105 day wait for LOA and you just totally described exactly how I felt/feel. When you see people with LID months after you getting their LOA and you wait still it just HURTS!

I so wanted to be able to travel in time that my sister who lives in another country and who will be in the US in February could meet my son. And it could have/should have happened. But each step has taken much longer than anyone else. Why!

And now to make it even worse I get to watch my son turn 3 in February, or actually worse yet, not be able to watch my son turn 3 because he is a half a world away from me.

I understand about not recognizing her. I've gotten updated pictures several times in my wait and each time he looks so different I really have to study them hard to know it's really him. And with my 2nd daughter someone traveled to the SWI and she was in their pictures. I didn't even know it was her til I got back and looked at their pictures again.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you, for an LOA SOON and peace in your heart as you wait. She's adorable!