Kylie's Post-Surgery Pics!

Yes!  We finally have some and we are very excited to show them to the world.  But before I do, I need to do some explaining...today is day 142 of the wait for our LOA which is the next step before moving forward.  This is over double the amount of time we should have had to wait.

I find myself desperate for information, ANY information, about our LOA or about our sweet Kylie, only to spin into a downward spiral when I get it.  We have been anxiously awaiting post-surgery pictures and last night I received them.  However, when I opened them up, I thought they'd sent pictures of a different child.  I immediately took the computer to Steve and asked if he thought this was Kylie and he said it really didn't look like her (so in my defense, it was a little shock to see).  I even went as far as to email my agency back and ask them to double-check.  However, as we pulled up picture after picture of her from before and began to compare, we began to recognize her familiar features, finally determinting this indeed was our Kylie.

And that's when I started to cry.  I wish I could say I was crying for sheer joy that we'd finally be able to see her face, but in reality, I was devastated.  Devastated that I had not even recognized my own child's photo.  It has been SO long since we've seen her and she has changed so much.  I cried myself to sleep and dreamed about my LOA and in my dream I was crying.  I woke up depressed and proceeded to cry most of the morning off and on.  My friends and blog readers, I have found my breaking point.  YOU ARE HERE.  Welcome to my insanity.  I do not know how much longer I can wait.  We still have many weeks and months to go AFTER we get LOA in order to travel, so that is just the next step.

I honestly do not know how I'm going to make it much longer.  I have had numerous people to say "hang in there" or "it'll all make sense later" or "it will be worth it when you have her in your arms" or "God has the master plan"...I KNOW.  I've been a Christian since I was 10 years old.  I am pretty sure that I have learned all this.  IT DOESN'T HELP!  Right now, I'm not there.  I'm here.  Waiting.  FOREVER.  I know these words are said in an effort to comfort me, but right now, they are not.  I feel like perhaps the only thing that will help is prayers.  If you aren't "religious", I'll take whatever you've got.  Well wishes, thoughts, etc.  But I feel like I am sincerely at the end of my rope with this wait.  I have seen people say that before and I always thought, "Whoa, drama!!!" but now that I'm here, there's no drama to it.  Only reality.

You see, until now, I've held this child of mine at arm's length.  She was "a photo of my child" and nothing more.  I loved her, kinda.  I mean, I loved her as much as you can love someone thousands of miles away who you've only seen about 6 photos of.  Some people see the picture of their referral child and immediately fall in love.  It wasn't that way with me.  My love has definitely grown over the past few months, but last night it took a huge turn.  This little girl is no longer just a photo.  She is MY CHILD.  And I need to be with her. 

And yes, my agency is doing everything they can, but there is only so far they can go with China.  They are only as good as the information they are given.  I was told weeks ago my LOA was on the way only to be told later there was some type of miscommunication or misinformation and it was still in process.  Late last week I was told my LOA was in the last, short stage of the process and should be here before end of the year.  Well, by my calculations, the end of the year is nearly here and my LOA isn't.  So you see, there's really not much more I can do except continue t put one foot in front of the other and ask for your prayers and thoughts as I try to make it through to the next step.

So for those of you who made it through that whole horrid post, here are the sweet pictures of our baby girl...

Yes, it appears they shaved her head again, but I've since learned that sometime they do so before surgery so they are able to insert the IV.  We also know she is 15lbs, 26.7 inches long, 17.7inches around in the chest and has a head circumference of 16.9inches.  We believe except for the weight, these are all going in the right direction.  We're having a international adoption pediatrician review them and hopefully will get the green light on what we know.  She also has a 10cm foot which is about 4 inches...if you happen to know what size shoe that equates to, let me know!