So we keep getting this question, so I thought I'd write a quick post about how we are doing, 3 days home.
The days are pretty good. I am nearly back to US time. I still feel tired early at night. For example, I went to bed last night at 8:45pm.
Part of that is because Kylie goes to bed between 8-9pm. She sleeps really well (usually) until about 2-3am and then she wakes up and regardless of the reason why (wet, dirty, cold, on her back etc.), it takes 2-3 hours to get her back to sleep. So for the last 3 nights, all 4 of us have been up from about 2-3 hours between 2-5am. Then she goes back to sleep and will sleep until 9-10am. So we are catching up on our sleep, but it makes for a weird day when you are getting breakfast at lunchtime etc.
It is awful being up in the middle of the night again. And fatigue, like I said before, makes a person somewhat crazy and way less patient. I have had thoughts that I would be embarrassed to admit to in the wee hours of the morning. Having a newborn is hard. But having a one year old on about a 9 month old level dropped in your life is even harder. Complicating matters is the fact that we haven't done this in 10 years. We didn't have 9 months of "What to Expect when You're Expecting"...we read blogs. MANY blogs. But so many of them paint this rosy picture of life at home so that's what we were expecting as well.
And yes, when she wakes up all smiles and laughs and reaching for you...it does seem worth it. But when you are in that wonderful deep sleep and you wake up to screams and it just goes on and on and on, it just seems like more than you can bear.
But Steve and I are a team and if it's possible, I think we are closer now than before. We have a game plan for tonight since Jenna is back to school tomorrow. And we are on our faces before God praying for that extra endurance. Last night, the thought crossed my mind, "I. CAN'T. DO. THIS." And through my tears I heard God say back, "I know. But I can." So we are joining ourselves to Him and praying knowing this too shall pass.
Should you be an adoptive family also struggling, please know you are NOT alone. Some blogs seem so picture perfect, but it is not always that way. Like anything worth having, it's not easy, but it can be easier knowing you aren't alone. Whatever you are feeling, there are others who have been there and felt that. Please reach out to those who have been there and survived.
If you are a family contemplating adoption, go into it knowing that the paperchase is the easy part (although I'll be the first to tell you it sure didn't seem like it!). But if it it what God ordained for your family, then He will give you what you need to make it through it.
I go to bed tonight knowing an early morning commute awaits. Steve readies for bed tonight knowing that an even earlier morning waits for him (most likely). But we are praying together tonight for endurance. And for those less than perfect nights to lead to perfect days. Days that will make these long nights fade into the background.