May Photo Shoot

I had a quick chance to get a few new photos of Kylie a week or so ago.  She was in a particularly good mood and cooperated and I tried a few different settings on my camera.

Kylie has been running a fever for the past several afternoons and it's made her REALLY cranky and whiny.  So whiny that I wasn't sure Steve or I could take much more.

Luckily, yesterday she didn't run a fever and was in a spectacular mood.  And of course, these pictures were taken before it all started.

We are really starting to see her personality come out when she's not cranky.  It's hard knowing the reasons for the crankiness when your child gets dropped in your life at a year old.  We have tried to think about what we do differently each day but ultimately, it is just about her getting more and more comfortable with us.

She is crawling very well now and starting to explore on her own.  Both of which show her comfort level is improving.

She especially likes looking out the door to the deck and playing on the air vent.  She likes when the air (or wind) blows in her face. 

And yes, I notice that I have a penchant for black and white.  I don't know why but I'm trying to get more into color.  But for May...you get mostly black and white!

Things I Wish I'd Known...part 2

I was thinking the other day about things I wish I'd known in regards to the adoption process.  Things that I ended up learning online through friends I met or posts I'd read.  I thought I'd do a brain dump here.   Maybe it will help someone as they embark on this journey...

1.  Make a notary your dear friend.  Luckily, I have multiple friends who are notaries.  It's one of the pluses of working outside the home in a business.  I did have to impose on one friend to go with me to the doctor's office to notarize something.  Also, try to ensure your notaries are all in the same county.  This is pretty important especially if you are adopting from China because you have to have the notary certified and if you have notaries from 3 different counties (ahem, yes, that was me) then you have to go to each county to have it certified.

2.  For special needs, speak to a doctor specializing in international adoption or a very trusted pediatrician when deciding what special needs you can handle.  Our pediatrician was unavailable when we were filling out this form.  We chose instead, to meet with a retired, well respected pediatrician acquaintance from church.  Unfortunately, while he was well respected, we did not have a relationship with him.  I think it would have been to our benefit had we actually waited and spoken with our pediatrician or the international adoption clinic.  In the end, we ended up modifying our list of needs because of information we learned later.

3.  In reference to #2, do research on each need regardless of whether you are open to it or not.  We originally put we would be open to a repaired cleft palate and unrepaired cleft lip baby.  We did that because we felt like the lip repair would be easier and less trouble.  As we would find out later (through our own research), in most cases (at least in China), they repair the lip there and not the palate.  Had we not modified our special needs list, we might STILL be waiting.  No one mentioned this to us so research!  Also, there were a few minor heart issues we did NOT say we were open to because the pediatrician we met with scared us slightly saying so many times there are other more severe heart issues that aren't detected.  This is likely true.  That CAN happen.  But I think we would have been more open to a few of those needs had we had a pediatrician who was more in tune with the adoption world.

4.  Ignore any timelines you might get from your agency or any other well-meaning adoptive family.  I saw another blogger mention something along these lines and thought it was well worth repeating.  No matter what others say, your situation will likely be different.  Sometimes it is faster, but more times than not, it is slower.  That's the name of the game with adoption.  Whenever you hear a family say it took them XX to get through the process, file that away with information that is good to know but that doesn't apply.  In other words, get rid of any expectations you have.  You'll save your sanity that way

5.  Have at least ONE very close adoptive friend you can confide in, preferably also adopting from or having adopted from the same country.  I was fortunate to have multiple adoptive families a phone call or mouse click away as well as a best friend going through the process at the same time (different country).  I also was beyond blessed to have a work friend who knew nothing about the process until I started.  She was right there with me every step of the way and by the end, knew was LOA, PA and TA was.  And speaking of abbreviations...

6.  Get online (two great websites here and here for China adoptions) and learn the abbreviations and steps of the process.  The more you know, the better you will feel.  Now, some will disagree and say ignorance is bliss and sometimes that is true, but one of the couple will need to know this information.  Another great resource are Yahoo groups, Facebook groups and blogs. 

7.  Prepare yourself for questions.  You'll get some genuinely curious questions and some downright nosey and rude ones, so be prepared with your answers.  You will educate yourself and the person asking if you are prepared for questions like, "How much is this costing?", "Why are you adopting from XXXX (insert your country of choice)?", "Why AREN'T you adopting from here when there so many children who need homes?" 

Those are just a few right off the top of my head.  I'm sure there are others...but the more you know, the better.  Ask questions.  No question is stupid.  Veterans of this adoption world are happy to help answer questions for newbies.  Just remember, the answer may or may not apply to you (because sometimes you'll get everything from best to worst case scenario) but never, NEVER think "Oh, that won't be the way with us," because as sure as you think that...it WILL be you.  :)

Books!

I can't believe I haven't gotten to post this until now, but I blame "baby brain".  A few weeks ago, my sweet work team threw me a shower for Kylie.  Work has been crazy busy so it's no small feat that my team managed to pull it off.

Instead of the traditional shower, they did a book shower!  I honestly wasn't sure what to expect but it ended up being SO cute!  Dr. Seuss themed...

The cake was delicious and yes, Kylie enjoyed a bite or two as well!  That could have been why she didn't sleep that night... (just kidding!)

So many of my team members were there and it was really nice to see them again after being gone for more than a month.

We got SO many books and out of ALL of them, none were duplicates...either of what we already have or what someone else gave.  How unbelievable is that!?

I have started reading to Kylie almost every day.  She could care less and is not going to sit still long enough to listen to a book but I read while she play in her room.  We do a Bible story, then a Dr. Seuss book (my favorite is Fox in Socks) and then another Bible book.

I've been at my company for 14 years in June and these folks have become like family to me.  Many of them are friends as well as co-workers.  I'm so thankful for a team like this.

Happy Birthday...

Today is my brother, David's, birthday.  David unexpectedly left us a couple of years ago on September 11.  I used to sit and wonder how my life would go on without him in it.  Now I know.

He was about 15 when I was born, so watching Jenna and Kylie with Chase, I can see exactly how much I loved and looked up to him.

Last Christmas, my sister in law went through some old photos and brought me this one.  I love it and I loved him.  I sure do miss him.

Kylie's Early Days

I thought I posted these before, but I can't find them.  So if I did, just pretend I didn't.  And if I didn't...well here you go!

When we picked Kylie up, we received a memory book that Half the Sky had done as part of their program.  Unfortunately, it's in Mandarin and we are still trying to find someone to translate it that won't charge us $400!  But the pictures are priceless to us and so I thought I'd share..

These are the first photos of her after coming to the orphanage (gee, writing this I sure do feel like I posted this before!!!)

Look at her little hand and foot prints!  So sweet!!!

More of her as a little baby.  Priceless.

What Kylie is up to...

She's certainly a mess, but an enjoyable one!

She's cruising quite well and she loves to stand on the air vent (when it's not blowing) and look out onto the back deck.

I told you, the child LOVES her bath.  This is one of 1,000 pictures of her having fun in the tub.

Now that she's crawling, she has taken to crawling under the kitchen table and chairs.  She has experienced more than one bumped noggin doing this!

Kylie's Sees Us!

When we first met our Kylie back in August 2011, we sent a care package which had a disposable camera in it.  We also sent a photo album of us and asked her caregivers to talk to her about us.  When we arrived at the orphanage, we received the disposable camera back and once home, I had the photos developed. 

Here are two I thought I'd share...

 Do you see?  She has our photo album!  And she's looking at Jenna!  I love love love this picture!!!

This one is a picture of us.  For some reason, we didn't get this photo album back and I forgot to ask about it until we had left the orphanage.  I am so sad we weren't able to get it.  So if you are out there and traveling to Liangyungang anytime soon, let me know!  LOL!

At least we know she saw it once.  I'm not sure when this photo was taken but it was before December since that's when her cleft was fixed.  I'm so glad to have these..

A Belated Mother's Day

I sure did mean to post yesterday but the day didn't go exactly as planned.  Kylie has been getting up earlier than she needs to which makes her super cranky.  Steve meant to take care of her all day to give me a little time to do what I wanted to do but neither of us do whiny, so I spent some part of the day giving Steve a break.

It was an awful rainy day, so I didn't get a single picture of me and my kids.  That's disappointing now that I realize it but I do have this one from our photo shoot a few weeks ago.

I did end up getting time to clean off my scrap booking table which was covered with China trip stuff.  I also got Jenna's straight and we scrapbooked for like 10 minutes.  Which is the equivalent to half a page for me but hey, it's progress!  I had a quick errand to run and I got to do that while Kylie and Steve napped.

I also got several very nice Mother's Day gifts which I love.  Kylie is too little to know much yet, but I absolutely adore Jenna's home made gifts...

This is me.  Jenna drew it in art and they made it into a pin.  The 3 hearts represent her, Kylie and Steve.  I love the detail.

Speaking of detail....look at the bricks in the turret.  Something else she made.  Jenna really is pretty artistic...

And then this is the gift from Steve.  When I got pregnant with Jenna, I got a diamond necklace with two hearts.  Now my heart has expanded to three!

Mother's day is typically a bit bittersweet for me since I lost my mother and mother in law.  I thought I might post a few pics of my mom since we got a new scanner...

This was right before they went to some type of Christmas program.  I think around 1986 or so?  One of the best pictures of my mom.  They rarely went out, so this was a treat.

I can't remember where this picture was found, but I love the pictures of my mom when she was young.  There aren't many of them since her parents died when she was young.  I am guessing she's about 6 in this picture.

This is the way I remember my mom most.  She hated being in pictures and honestly, she wasn't that photogenic if she wasn't posing (see above).  But in my mind, this is the essence of her.  Always appreciative of all her gifts...check out that ashtray.  YUCK.  Both mom and dad quit smoking eventually, but ughhhhh..

I got a call from my stepson Chase and a text from my stepdaughter Micah.  So all in all, the day was a great one!  The weather was less than desirable, but the day was good.  I enjoyed my first mother's day as a mom of 2 (or 4 depending on how you count it!).  And I loved my cards and gifts.  It was a good day.  I'm thankful for my girls, no matter how hard life is right now with a new person in the house.

So to all of you out there...mothers, stepmoms, grandmoms, surrogate moms, adoptive moms, belly moms, single moms and those who are moms in waiting...my hat is off to you.  The job is hard and so many times thankless...but OH SO WORTH IT.

Busy Thursday

Yesterday, since Kylie woke up early, Steve and I packed up and trekked down to the social security office to try and get Kylie a card.  I wasn't sure what exactly we needed or what to expect in terms of timing, so I basically took every piece of paper from the adoption that I had.

Kylie fell asleep on the way so Steve parked and let me go in.  I only had to wait about 15 minutes and they called me up.  I had everything they needed and in 10 more minutes they said the card would arrive next week and I was on my way!  Super easy!  Shout of to the SSA office!  (I know, weird right?)

Then, it was off for an early lunch.  I joke that Steve and I have turned into senior citizens because we eat lunch at 10:30 and dinner at 3:30!  But we had Kylie's first visit with our pediatrician at 11:30 so we had no choice.

We made it to the pediatrician's office at 11:30 on the dot and they took us right back.  We have the most marvelous doctor and nurse IN. THE. WORLD.  Kylie has only gained 1 pound since we returned from China which bothered me since she eats like there's no tomorrow.  However, the doctor isn't concerned because her palate makes it tough and she thinks she'll catch up.  She was pleased with how she looked, acted and the sounds she was making.

She is going to get the early intervention paperwork going for her speech and development and also a referral for her eyesight since as far as we know, it was not tested.  Based on what she saw of her palate (though she is not a plastic surgeon), she thinks we'll end up with three surgeries...one for the palate, one for the nose/lip revision and some oral surgery and orthodontia.  Fun times.  But overall, given the situation, she thinks she looks great.  We are blessed that her palate is really her only challenge.

Unfortunately, Kylie was up for 5 vaccinations.  They took her and held her so I didn't have to be the "bad guy".  She didn't even whimper when the first shot went in but started crying when they pushed the medicine in.  Then she cried through the other 4 (which went super fast because, again, we have the BEST nurse and doctor in the world).  The minute they let her up, she was fine and was smiling.

We go back in 3 months for her 18 month visit.  Until then, we are focused on the palate surgery.

After the doctor visit, we did some errands and then headed to my office to visit for a bit.  Several folks who had not seen Kylie before got to see her and I got a minute to talk to my boss and co-worker.  It was so nice to have some adult conversation that didn't have to do with baby stuff.  I miss it and my team.  I sometimes feel guilty because I'm not the best stay at home mom, but our life is what it is. 

We headed over to get Jenna and then home.  Luckily, Kylie slept on the way home but between that and the earlier nap in the car, it only amounted to about 1 1/2 hours and she'd gotten up nearly 2 hours earlier than normal.  By the time we got home, she was pretty cranky.  I don't know if it's because of the shots or the lack of sleep.  But I ended up holding her out until almost 7:30 (normal bedtime is 8pm) and then she was down for the count.   We gave her another dose of Tylenol since it was very clear her little legs were sore.

Now, here's looking forward to another quiet weekend.  This coming week is the 2 week mark of when I go back to work.  I can't believe the time is almost here.  This 11 weeks seems so much longer than the 11 weeks I took with Jenna.  Although I bet time has a way of making that look differently.

Say What??

Sorry I didn't update sooner, but the ear tube surgery went well.  We had to get up super early (like 4:30am!) to be at the surgery center at 6:00.  We weren't sure how Kylie would feel to be woken up so early but she was actually in a pretty good mood.  She wasn't allowed to have breakfast (or anything after midnight) but since she doesn't eat that early anyway, so it didn't bother her in the least.

We arrived at the surgery center right at 6:00 and they took us back before I finished the paperwork.  They took her vitals and we put her little gown on.  Since Steve had Katie, he stayed in the waiting room and Jenna went back with me.  By the time we started changing her clothes, Kylie knew something was going on, but I wasn't going to get the moment pass without documenting how cute she was in her hospital gown.  She put on her best pout for the picture!

Within 15 minutes, they came to give her some "drink" to make her relaxed so she wouldn't freak out when they took her from me.  She took it like a trooper (she usually takes meds great) and within a few minutes, the pout was gone...

Apparently it was some good stuff.  I'd give my right arm to have whatever it was for nighttime!  They took her back right at 7:00 and she never acted like she cared (she probably didn't).  At 7:15, the doctor came out and said he was done.  She did fine of course.  There was a LOT of fluid in her ears which he suctioned out.  He gave us post-op instructions and within another 10 minutes, they had called us back.  They warned me that Kylie would be cranky coming out of the gas, and they were right.

Kylie is many times not a happy waker-upper so coming out of anesthesia (no matter how minor it is) was unpleasant.  She just wasn't comfortable.  She was thirsty and that played in our favor because she had to drink something before they'd release us.  They let us go right about 8:00.  We dropped Jenna off at school and started for home.  I felt like we'd been up for hours and it was barely daylight!

The ride home was quite unpleasant since we had a long drive and she was just not happy.  We fed her some snacks but when her favorite cookies were gone, she really wasn't having anything else.  When we got home we immediately fed her breakfast which she scarfed down.  We gave her a little Tylenol for any pain she might experience and put her down for a nap about 10am.

Steve and I took the opportunity to try and catch up on some rest as well.  I didn't sleep well the night before for a variety of reasons so I took the chance when I had it.  We woke up at 11:15 and Steve went up to the church to do some work.  I laid in the bed a while thinking Kylie would be waking up any minute.  Well...by noon, I got up myself and peeked in her room.  This was what I saw....

BLESS!  So I went downstairs and did some stuff.  Steve brought lunch home and finally Kylie woke up about 1:00.  She was a much happier camper then.  She ate a great lunch and played for the rest of the afternoon.  She went to bed pretty well but at 4am this morning woke up and Steve had to go spend about 30 minutes getting her settled down again.  It was my morning to take Jenna to school so at 6am when I went to get her out of bed, I looked in and Kylie was standing up in her bed watching the door.  So, our day today started early!

We go back in 3 weeks for a check up and a hearing eval.  Other than that, we are already seeing a happier Kylie.  Her balance seems better so we'll see if she starts walking soon.  I'm glad this piece is over...

It's Your Birthday!

This is a very special post for my work BFF (well, she's not at my work anymore, but she'll forever be my WBFF!), Katelyn!

Today is her birthday and I wanted to take time to wish her a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

KB-miss you like crazy cakes!  I hope this birthday is one to remember!  Happy birthday friend!

Alright blog readers...do me a huge favor...click here and leave Katelyn a birthday wish.  She's loves birthdays and she is a new transplant to Denver, CO, far away from most of here family and friends.  I know she would LOVE a shout out from my friends here.

Ear Tubes

Tomorrow is the big day.  We have to be at the surgery center at 6am, so y'all pray for us.  We'll all be getting up early and Kylie is not all that happy when she doesn't get her sleep out.  The procedure is scheduled for 7am and shouldn't take longer than 15 minutes.  We aren't really worried, but we are hoping the tubes will help her balance and start walking (which will be helpful) and talking.

We'll keep you posted!

Super Moon

This past weekend we got to witness the Super Moon.  The moon was larger than ever.  I know from Facebook that most everyone was watching and took their own pictures, but since our days here are starting to seem very much the same, I'm scraping the bottom of the bloggy barrel for material. 

I know that I've had my Rebel for several years and should know more about taking photos, but I don't and so I just messed around with the settings.

Tennessee Patchwork

Tuesday night, Jenna participated in the 4th Grade production of a play called Tennessee Patchwork.

Jenna had two parts in the play.  The first was an Elvis fan.  You can barely see her here and she had no lines except screaming...but you know, at 10 years old, even the smallest part is a BIG deal!

This is her in her outfit before the show.  Not sure why the picture is a little blurry.  Guess I should have used my flash but at least you get the idea.

There were lots of cute Tennessee characters in the play...for example...

Davy Crockett

Johnny Cash (who sang "I walked the line")

Reba McEntire

Minny Pearl

Jenna played a modern kid named Sissy.  Sissy and her family are on a vacation to the Music City...

Jenna put together her own "modern" outfit and looked really cute.  Here she is in action (literally!)

She did great as did ALL the kids and the teachers who put this all together.  I'm so proud of my little fourth grader!!!

Joy In The Sacrifice

Back a few weeks ago, I was in the throes of no sleep and trying to bond with a child that I barely knew.  Many mornings I spent on the phone with our social worker trying to figure out what to do to keep myself going.  Several nights found me sobbing in the dark of the night wondering what we had done to ourselves.

One morning on my way back from dropping Jenna off at school, I decided NOT to call my social worker, but talk to God (duh...should have been doing this from the start).  I didn't just tell him how I was feeling but I listened.  My main question was "What do I do for Kylie to help her trust us?"  And He said, "Give her what she needs." 

Yeah, well, that would be great except we were already giving her everything she needed.  Everything that we could.  So I said, "HOW?"  "How do I do this?" and He gently reminded me that *I* couldn't.  And there came a phrase that I will never forget.  It was a phrase that was VERY hard for this sleep deprived Mama to swallow...

"Joy in the sacrifice".

I'm here to tell you, there was NO joy in the sacrifice at the moment.  There was NO joy in the lack of sleep...the screaming herself to sleep every night.  The never-getting-to-sleep-in-the-same-bed-as-your-spouse.  There just wasn't much joy at all in my caring for Kylie.  And a big ole DUH because obviously she could feel that I wasn't much enjoying myself.  So right there in the car, I repeated, "Joy in the sacrifice" and I decided that I would remind myself of several things when I felt myself getting frustrated...

1.  This too shall pass.  I have an almost 11 year old.  It will pass faster than I wish it to and then it will be gone.  Never to be relived again.

2.  I can't do it.  But with God I certainly can.  As I tell my friend Elizabeth all the time, "If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it."  That is to say, you very well might not have the strength to do what God is asking you to do (whether that be adoption or something else going on in your life), but that's the precise point where God steps in and equips you through Himself to do it.

3.  We are repairing the scars of loss and abandonment Kylie experienced early on in her life.  January 31 in Jiangsu China...the average temperature in January in Lianyungang (where Kylie is thought to have been born) is 4 degrees.  FOUR DEGREES.  Imagine leaving your newborn daughter...literally hours old....in the freezing cold.  Alone.  Even in a baby, those are hurts that have to be repaired.  And we've been tasked with that job.  And keeping that in mind helps me remember what my job is here.

This adoption thing is NOT easy.  But parenting ANY child is not easy.  There are bumps along the way...uncertainties and fears.  But such is life.  So many more families out there are dealing with much worse...children with terminal illnesses or facing a terminal illness themselves.  This LIFE is not easy.  But in the end...isn't this what it is about?

JOY in the sacrifice.

Fun in the Sun!

This weekend, we picked up a little kiddie pool for Kylie.  We weren't sure how much she'd like it, but since she likes the bath so much, we thought we'd try it.

Sunday it was well into the 80s so we thought we'd give it a shot.  The water was pretty cool and Kylie wasn't really sure.  Luckily, Jenna was brave to jump right in.

Kylie eventually let go of my hands and played a bit with Jenna, but she never really sat down in the water.  Jenna had a good time and these pictures make my heart melt to see my girls together.

It was short-lived fun, but I think we are going to have a great summer at the pool!

Fun at the Park!

One day last week, we had run out of ideas of things to do and it was warm, so we took off to the local park.  The only thing Kylie could really do is swing and we weren't sure how well she would like it.  We didn't stay very long, but I guess the pictures speak for themselves.