I Wasn’t Ready

A year ago, the culmination of months of paperwork, worry, fundraising, worrying and waiting was about to come together in one of the greatest miracles ever. 

I wasn’t ready. 

I thought I was.  I had done all the required reading.  I’d gone to all the classes and seminars and read all the blogs.

But as I sat in that hotel room,  I tried to write you a letter.  A letter about how I was feeling right then…just hours before meeting you…and I couldn’t get the words right.  And I realized. 

I wasn’t ready.

I had NO IDEA how my life would change.  For the better. 

I remember watching out the window of civil affairs lobby in Nanjing and seeing those nannies carrying 3 bundles closer and closer and wondering which was you.  And then, you were there.

I wasn’t ready.

For the world and everything in it to stop right. that.  minute.  The tears came and then they handed you to me.

I wasn’t ready.

And all those hours spent doing paperwork and worrying about when we’d get our LOA and then TA and how we were going to pay for everything…all of that dissipated into dust.

I wasn’t ready.

And so began this last whirlwind year.  And here we are.  Together.  Forever.  And I’m STILL not ready.

I wasn’t ready for my heart to be stolen wholly and completely by that sweet little giggle and that crooked smile.  I wasn’t ready to watch my tween turn into one of the most amazing, loving, selfless sisters I have ever seen.  I wasn’t ready to watch as you learned to walk, then run, to sing, babbly, talk, drink from a straw…

I wasn’t ready to love you as deeply as I do.  But I’m ready now.  I’m ready to enjoy every day of this life with you, watching you talk more, sing more and love more.

I love you more than life itself.  You and your jie jie are my world.  The last year has been hard and wonderful all at the same time.  Thank you for that.

I love you like crazy cakes sweet Kylie.

Love,

Mom