Semper Fidelis

[sem-per fi-dey-lis]
Latin.
Always faithful: motto of the U.S. Marine Corps.

Today, this phrase became meaningful to me.

Chase joined the Marine Corps Reserve.

And I find myself feeling really...well, the only word I can think of to describe it is bittersweet. He joined the Marine Corps Reserves because he really wants to go to college. We can't pay for it. Him mom and stepdad can't pay for it. And he has realized that he does NOT want to spend the rest of his life at a $10/hr job and that's all he's really eligible for if he doesn't get SOME kind of education. He actually realized this quite a while ago, but he's just figuring out a game plan. Basically, if he joins the Reserves, after all his training etc., they will pay for him to go to school to learn to be a diesel mechanic which is what he really wants to do.

So, I'm absolutely positively the MOST PROUD I have ever been of him. He said he looked at his options and this was the only feasible way he could figure to be able to go to college to do what he really wanted to do. He didn't ask for my or Steve's input and I don't know that he really asked for anyone's. He just decided himself. There's not too many 21 year olds that are that forward thinking about their future. So, part of me is about to BURST with pride for my boy.

The other part of me...well, I feel like my heart is breaking. That might be a little exaggerated, but I am very sad. In a little over a month, this boy who I have known and loved since he was 6 years old will go away to Parris Island to boot camp for 3 months without any communicative devices. I know he'll be back but the thought of not being able to talk to him for that long is disturbing to me. I know, KNOW that this is going to be a great investment in his future, but the selfish part of me doesn't want him to go. I will tell you I'm surprised at my reaction. I never really imagined either of my grown kids leaving the area, but I would have never guessed I would react this way. But I've said it here before, I love Steve's two kids like they are my own. When I met Steve, I loved them instantly and while the relationships were not always easy, I didn't think I'd ever love kids that were not my own flesh and blood as much as I do Micah and Chase. It's a love that was given to me directly from the heart of God.

I digress...so I'm a bit surprised at my distress over the thought of his leaving. I don't know if he reads this blog (probably not...by his own admission, reading isn't his "thing") but I'm sure he would be as surprised at my heartache over this as I am. When we first met, it was no secret that Micah and I were instantly close. We are still close now, but in a different, grown-up way. Chase and I....well, our relationship grew much more slowly. Maybe it was because he was a boy. I don't really know. What I DO know is that once he grew up, I found that we had slowly gotten closer. I found myself enjoying his company and missing him when he wasn't around. And so now, I'm very sad to think of him not being around for 3 months. Anyway...

He will leave for boot camp on June 8. That begins his journey. I know by then, I will have gotten used to the idea. At least I hope I will have!

So that's the exciting news from the Taylor family. Remember Chase in your prayers as he embarks on this new adventure. Pray for his safety, physically and mentally and that he will use this time away from all he's used to to grow closer to the Lord. I think this is something he really desires but has eluded him thus far.

And Chase, son, if you ARE reading this (I'm impressed!), I know I don't say it often, but I love you...more than you could possibly EVER know. I'm going to miss you like crazy for 3 months, but will be praying for you each and every day.