I haven't gotten in bed before 11:30pm any night this week. I know I can't keep going like this (considering my alarm goes off at 5:30am), so I'm going to at least be in bed by 11:30 tonight and then next week is gonna be different.
I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed this week. Like Beth Moore says, "Why can't we just be whelmed??? Why do we have to be OVERwhelmed?!" One of the things that I think I'm processing from South Africa is my busy-ness. I work 40+ hours a week, keep up (kinda) a home, parent a child with homework and studying several nights a week, work very hard at our new church and paperchase for our international adoption.
Here's my most recent revelation. I'M TOO BUSY. Monday night we are generally home. Tuesday night I have my ladies Bible study. Wednesday we have church in which most nights I am doing PLACE sessions while Jenna is in KidLife and Steve practices with the band. Thursday night Steve is out of the house with his men's Bible Study. Friday Steve bowls in a league and I am responsible for taking care of Jenna. The weekend is when I do the laundry that has piled up all week, pay the bills, make a grocery list and buy groceries. Not to mention my babies on Sunday morning at 9:30, church at 11:00 and then usually a PLACE session after that and finally Lifegroup at 5:30. All that on top of waking up at 5:30am Monday through Friday and not getting home from work until 6:00 or after.
While I was in South Africa, they cautioned us about "South Africa time". There, people don't get in such a huge hurry like we do here. If someone's neighbor is talking to them and they need to be somewhere, they don't look at their watch and rush off. They continue to talk until the conversation is over. It can be maddening sometimes because we aren't used to that at all. But coming home, I think I'm being convicted about my busy-ness.
I have been just inches away from a mental breakdown all week. Work has been crazy. Home has been crazy and I feel like I just can't get on top of it all. My philosophy is I can deal with a chaotic home life. Or I can deal with a chaotic work life. But I CANNOT deal with them both being crazy because I have to find refuge somewhere and if both are nuts, then I have nowhere.
Anyway, I'm really starting to think and pray about what I'm going to cut from my life. I have an idea of what that is, but I'm not making any rash decisions quite yet. But if my life change affects you, either directly or indirectly, please don't take it personally. I just have to let some things go. And I'm learning to say no. It is VERY hard for me, but I'm learning.
This post has gone on longer than I intended. My PC says 11:28 so if I'm going to make it to bed by 11:30, I better wrap this up.
For those that are wondering, the adoption is going OK. We are still waiting on Steve's doctor to finish his letter. I actually wrote the letter for the doctor and had it pre-approved by the agency to be sure it said what it needed to and it's been the better of 2 weeks and the doctor still doesn't have it ready. It's so frustrating at times, but I know God's timing is perfect, so I'm trying not to stress. Once we get that letter, we will have completed our home study!
Then we have just a few additional items to gather before we have the dossier complete. However, this week I finally had 30 seconds to look over the agency instructions for the dossier and found out I have to have all my documents COUNTY certified, then STATE certified and then AUTHENTICATED by the Chinese Consulate. That's all before it actually GOES to China. Oh yeah...and the county certification has to be done in the county in which the notary is from. Looking at our documents we have something from Davidson, Williamson and Cheatham counties. FUN TIMES. I have to figure out how to do that and where to go in each of those counties. But praise God it's only 3 and not 30.
I think it would be a load off just to have the doctor's letter done. Because now that it's taken so long, I worry that the doctor is rewriting the letter and it won't have the necessary information in it and then we'll have to start all over and I might age out of this program by the time he gets it right. Not really, but dang, sometimes it feels like that. I try not to compare myself to other people who have gone through it, but it's hard.
OK, I've commenced to rambling. It's late. 11:33 and I've missed my own deadline. This girl is going to bed now.