Reading

I can’t express how happy the above photo makes me.  I love to read and I wanted so badly for Jenna to love to read.  And she does!  And I am forever thankful.  It wasn’t that long ago that I couldn’t get Kylie to sit still for a book but now, she loves her books and we read at least 3 before bed at night.

Back when we were struggling with sleep issues, we were told to pick a couple books and read the same ones every night.  We ended up with Goodnight Moon, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and usually a Bible story.  Over time, Goodnight Moon has been retired and in it’s place is Llama Llama Red Pajama.  We went through about 3 Bible story books and then retired those.  Now, we do Alexander, Llama Llama, The Kissing Hand, Here Comes Trouble, There’s a Mouse About the House and Just In Case You Ever Wonder with some variations.  If she falls asleep before we get through them all, I stop. 

Anyway, she really likes to read and point to pictures and talk to me about them.  The other day I didn’t think I could take another night of Alexander or Llama Llama so I put them back in the bookshelf buried between all the other books so she can’t find them.  A few nights later, she finishes getting her PJs on and walks over to the bookshelf, finds BOTH books and pulls them out.  Then proceeds over to the stack of nightly reading books, pulls out the ones she doesn’t like and put the replacements in there.  My girl is SMART!

I love that Kylie likes to be read to.  We try and talk about the pictures and drawings in the book and they all facilitate her speech progression.  The girls in this house love to read and it make my heart happy.

Comments on Adoption

I can't believe it's time for another post.  I feel like I just can't get ahead of my schedule.  ARGH.

Today, I wanted to blog about something that's been on my mind.  As I may have mentioned before :), I attend the best church around.  We are a very diverse body of believers and we mostly came by that wonderful diversity via adoption.  From a congregation of about 400-500, we have nearly 30 adoptive families...all races and all stages of the process.  It's an absolute wonderful place to be for adoptive families.  That's not to say it's perfect or without it's own issues.  But I digress.

In fact, I'm not sure where I was even going with that except to say how much I love that body of believers.  Ah, yes...so, my close friend Elizabeth, is about to bring home her sweet son from The Congo.  And because she is so stinkin' close to that, and I love her so much, all things adoption have been on my mind. 

One topic that seems to be a hot button for many adoptive families are the comments they get from strangers.  To me, it seems like so very many of the adoptive families I read about (I follow a BUUUUNNCCCHHH of adoption blogs) are pretty seriously offended at some of the looks, stares or comments by not just strangers but also acquaintances or even family members.

So I thought it was time to put myself out there and weigh in on the subject.

THEY DON'T BOTHER ME.

Yep, there.  I said it.  They just don't.  Maybe I am naive and give folks the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe I'm just laid back (never been accused of that).  But mostly, I think that I'm more like those people making the comments than I care to admit and so I am just not easily offended.  I used to be curious about adoption too.  And before I "joined the club", I didn't know some of my curiosity could be offensive.

Now, I have had a couple of backhanded comments about adopting internationally as opposed to through the foster system or domestically.  I'm perfectly open to a discussion with anyone about our choice there.  (In case you are wondering, we chose China special needs because God told us to...in the simplest explanation...so take your argument up with Him).  But I don't appreciate, won't tolerate and don't respect ugly comments about our decision, although I'm happy for you to respectfully disagree.

I'm not really talking about that though.  I'm talking about the people in Target or Wal-Mart or the grocery store who stare, or ask if she's from China or ask if she's adopted.  Or even ask some dumb question.  Yes, they ask in front of her, but first of all, she's too young to understand anyway.  Secondly, HELLO SHE'S CHINESE!  It's not going to take her long to figure out she doesn't look like us, so big whoopdeedeoo if someone asks me if she's adopted or from China in front of her.  Kylie's Asian culture should not be a surprise or embarrassment to her or to us.  I really do think people are simply curious.  We already tell her about her adoption story just like we talked to Jenna about how we came to be blessed with her.  Both of our girls will know they are special and desired more than anything from the earliest they can remember. 

I'm lucky to live in an area where seeing inter-racial families is not that unusual anymore.  But if someone asks me a question about adoption or Kylie or the process, then I'm perfectly happy to answer whatever questions they have.  It just doesn't both me.  The way I see it, the more open I am with them, the more educated they are about something I'm passionate about (and so is God) and I never know where down the road my comments might come into play.

And Kylie is cute.  Like.  VERY CUTE (most days) and so she does draw a lot of attention.  And heck, we go everywhere with a black service dog, so we get noticed no matter what.  In fact, just Sunday, we were out eating at a Japanese Steakhouse and on our way out, a lady stopped me to comment on Kylie's hair.  Turns out, sitting right across the room was her 5 year old daughter home from China since 24 months old.  So you just never know.

In the end, even the stupid questions aren't offensive to me.  Now, I might leave them rolling my eyes and repeating the dumb question, but I won't count it offensive.

Life's just too short.  I love my Asian blessing and if my openness to answering your questions could potentially open up your heart to adoption, well,then, ask away!

Magazine Reading

The other night, Kylie grabbed up one of Jenna's magazines and indicated that she wanted to climb up on the couch.

I helped her up and this is what she did...

Yes, she's going to love to read if I have ANYTHING to do with it!  :)

A Future Olympian

She's Growing!

Wednesday we went to the doctor for Kylie's 18 month checkup.  Poor thing got 3 shots and ran a fever the entire next day.  I felt so bad for her, but we'd rather her go through this now than get some horrible illness later.  And for what it's worth, I know some folks are anti-vaccine for a number of reasons, but we aren't, so that's just not open for discussion here.  :)

The good news is that since her first visit back in May, she has gained 3 pounds and has grown 2 inches!  This is great news!!! She went from below the 10th %ile in weight to just a smidge under the 25th %ile!  Those 2 inches took her from the 10th %ile in height up to just over the 25th %ile!  So the doctor is very pleased and so are we!

She was sassy as could be in the doctor's office and she was pleased to see more of her personality coming out. 

Yes, it makes me shudder to see them both on the pediatrician floor, but what can you do?  She was happy down there.  :) 

Kylie's sleeping is still going well, but we are about to have to adjust some meds she's on for allergies and I'm not sure whether that will affect her or not.  We are getting closer to her palate repair surgery which we already know will probably set the good sleeping back a ways.  We are trying to prepare for that too.

As far as speech, Kylie is still pretty far behind children of her age.  However, she's attending speech therapy 2x per week and she does "say" a few words....I know by her intonation what she is trying to say, but you can't make them out yet.  She's picking up signs left and right...which is great.  And she will imitate anything and everything we do.

She loves the nursery at church but she is always so happy when I come pick her up and that is my favorite part of my day.  Every afternoon when I come in from work, I get accosted by Kylie, Jenna and Katie.  It's frustrating sometimes because I'm left standing in the middle of the kitchen in my heels, holding my purse, lunch bag and work back along with the dog licking me, Jenna hugging on me and me holding Kylie with all the other stuff.  Poor Steve can't get close, but he's usually cooking dinner anyway.  :)  I digress...

Kylie is a great eater!  She eats just about anything you put in front of her and lately she's discovered dipping fries, chips, whatever in ranch dressing.  Oh yes, she is definitely a Taylor because I remember daycare remarking how Jenna used to want to dip everything in Ranch! Definitely my girls!  She also is working really hard on eating with a fork and spoon.  Unfortunately, she can't quite keep the food on them yet, but she tries really hard.  She will feed herself and prefers to.  Sometimes we just need to help so she doesn't shovel in too much.  And while she likes most food, she has definite ideas about what she likes better which means she refuses what you give her if there's something she thinks is more tasty on her plate.

Developmentally speaking, Kylie is blazing a trail through toddler hood.  She is now developmentally on target with most other 18 month olds (except the speech part).  She is walking very well, playing independently and since she's been getting the sleep she needs, she is SO sweet and happy!!!  We are staring down the barrel at 5 months in our arms and I can't believe we are here already.  Phew.

She's a sweet blessing to us and we are so glad we are seeing her little personality shine through.  We are praying for a successful palate repair and to see her speech explode after her healing is complete.

Speech Therapy

Kylie had her speech therapy evaluation today.  It was no big surprise that the evaluation showed a pretty severe delay.  But the therapist was very pleased with the sounds she was making and signs she is doing.  We need to add "please" and maybe "thank you" and I'm trying to incorporate "help" too.  She said her fine motor skills are excellent and Kylie really had a good time.

The pic is blurry, but I thought she looked SO cute in her outfit (thanks to my friend Leslie who has given us some SUPER cute clothes!)

Our speech therapist is named Joy and she is truly a joy!  She is so nice and Kylie warmed up to her really fast.  Of course, it helped that she had bubbles!

After all the paperwork is filled out (lots to do since this is all through Tennessee Early Intervention), we'll start speech therapy twice a week and it will likely continue until well after her palate surgery in August.

If you don't believe me that she really enjoyed the bubbles, just watch her in action!  And don't miss her signing "more" right at the end.

Things I Wish I'd Known...part 2

I was thinking the other day about things I wish I'd known in regards to the adoption process.  Things that I ended up learning online through friends I met or posts I'd read.  I thought I'd do a brain dump here.   Maybe it will help someone as they embark on this journey...

1.  Make a notary your dear friend.  Luckily, I have multiple friends who are notaries.  It's one of the pluses of working outside the home in a business.  I did have to impose on one friend to go with me to the doctor's office to notarize something.  Also, try to ensure your notaries are all in the same county.  This is pretty important especially if you are adopting from China because you have to have the notary certified and if you have notaries from 3 different counties (ahem, yes, that was me) then you have to go to each county to have it certified.

2.  For special needs, speak to a doctor specializing in international adoption or a very trusted pediatrician when deciding what special needs you can handle.  Our pediatrician was unavailable when we were filling out this form.  We chose instead, to meet with a retired, well respected pediatrician acquaintance from church.  Unfortunately, while he was well respected, we did not have a relationship with him.  I think it would have been to our benefit had we actually waited and spoken with our pediatrician or the international adoption clinic.  In the end, we ended up modifying our list of needs because of information we learned later.

3.  In reference to #2, do research on each need regardless of whether you are open to it or not.  We originally put we would be open to a repaired cleft palate and unrepaired cleft lip baby.  We did that because we felt like the lip repair would be easier and less trouble.  As we would find out later (through our own research), in most cases (at least in China), they repair the lip there and not the palate.  Had we not modified our special needs list, we might STILL be waiting.  No one mentioned this to us so research!  Also, there were a few minor heart issues we did NOT say we were open to because the pediatrician we met with scared us slightly saying so many times there are other more severe heart issues that aren't detected.  This is likely true.  That CAN happen.  But I think we would have been more open to a few of those needs had we had a pediatrician who was more in tune with the adoption world.

4.  Ignore any timelines you might get from your agency or any other well-meaning adoptive family.  I saw another blogger mention something along these lines and thought it was well worth repeating.  No matter what others say, your situation will likely be different.  Sometimes it is faster, but more times than not, it is slower.  That's the name of the game with adoption.  Whenever you hear a family say it took them XX to get through the process, file that away with information that is good to know but that doesn't apply.  In other words, get rid of any expectations you have.  You'll save your sanity that way

5.  Have at least ONE very close adoptive friend you can confide in, preferably also adopting from or having adopted from the same country.  I was fortunate to have multiple adoptive families a phone call or mouse click away as well as a best friend going through the process at the same time (different country).  I also was beyond blessed to have a work friend who knew nothing about the process until I started.  She was right there with me every step of the way and by the end, knew was LOA, PA and TA was.  And speaking of abbreviations...

6.  Get online (two great websites here and here for China adoptions) and learn the abbreviations and steps of the process.  The more you know, the better you will feel.  Now, some will disagree and say ignorance is bliss and sometimes that is true, but one of the couple will need to know this information.  Another great resource are Yahoo groups, Facebook groups and blogs. 

7.  Prepare yourself for questions.  You'll get some genuinely curious questions and some downright nosey and rude ones, so be prepared with your answers.  You will educate yourself and the person asking if you are prepared for questions like, "How much is this costing?", "Why are you adopting from XXXX (insert your country of choice)?", "Why AREN'T you adopting from here when there so many children who need homes?" 

Those are just a few right off the top of my head.  I'm sure there are others...but the more you know, the better.  Ask questions.  No question is stupid.  Veterans of this adoption world are happy to help answer questions for newbies.  Just remember, the answer may or may not apply to you (because sometimes you'll get everything from best to worst case scenario) but never, NEVER think "Oh, that won't be the way with us," because as sure as you think that...it WILL be you.  :)

Here we are!

I know it's just been a few days, but I feel like I haven't blogged in forever.  The days seem to be long, but ironically enough, flying by.  I want to document a little about what's been going on with Kylie...

First, last Saturday night, she refused her night time bottle of formula.  She was supposedly taking several bottles of formula in China and that's what we did in China, but started introducing some table food towards the end of our trip.  Once home, we transitioned to a sippy cup (it took us many tries to get one that would work with her open palate) but we kept the bedtime bottle.  Early last week we went and bought two big cans of formula at Costco.  Luckily it was the Costco brand.  Saturday night, she took about half when normally she sucks down the entire 10 oz!  Sunday she took about 1/4 and it's dwindled from that.  Last night she took about 3 sips and that was it.  So, looks like we have some extra formula on our hands if anyone needs it!  It's just the Costco brand...

I take this as a sign that she's attaching.  She knows we'll be here in the morning to feed her breakfast so she doesn't really want that bottle.  I was afraid she wouldn't sleep without having it, but she did fine.

So, onto that subject of sleep...last Friday Jenna was out of school so Thursday night, we decided to move Kylie to her crib and alternate sleeping on a mattress on the floor.  This is something several professionals (doctor, social workers etc). recommended.  At the time, we just didn't feel like she was ready.  She also would fight sleep like nuts...crying, turning over, whining.  For probably 15 minutes before she'd go out.  And then she'd wake up multiple times in the night crying out and at the least would have to be patted back to sleep but sometimes even picked up and held for a few hours before she could be put down again.

She slept fine in her crib for several nights and then one night had to be picked up for a couple hours one night.  But the last several nights, she slept right through and didn't make a peep.  Well, maybe a peep here and there but we can SHHH her and she goes right back to sleep.  She wakes up and plays quietly in her crib for probably 15-30 minutes (depending on how early she wakes up).  Even though we've eliminated that night time bottle, she now falls asleep with no crying.  :)  I still hold her while she's falling asleep, but baby steps!  We feel these are all VERY good signs we are making progress!

We had an appointment with the ENT on Tuesday.  She definitely needs tubes and she is tentatively scheduled for that surgery on the 9th.  We feel like there is no reason to wait.  We have a second opinion with a plastic surgeon at the end of May just because we feel like we need that before proceeding with surgery.  Surgery is scheduled for July 23, so we have time to make a change if needed.

I realize I have sounded like a major complainer on my blog lately and I don't mean for it to sound so awful.  Our days are fun mostly...bathtime is hilarious and her laughter is such music to my ears.  We really thought she was very happy and social from the beginning, but she continues to get happier and in comparison to the "happy" she was in China, she's even happier now!  I really am pleased with the progress we are making.  I'll touch on our daily schedule (if it can be called that) in another post.  Right now, she's playing quietly and I'm writing on borrowed time.  

I sure have learned a lot about myself through all this and again, that's a post for another time!

Now that we are home...

Now that we are home, I thought I'd say a few words about where we are, where Kylie is and where you all fit in the picture.

If you missed this post, be sure and read it first.  Having that groundwork will help you understand what we are going through and what we are trying to do.

Kylie is a very happy child.  But being so happy means everyone is her friend.  Especially if you are standing and we are not.  :)  She wants to be moving ALL.  THE.  TIME.  So if we are sitting down with her or if she is sitting anywhere and you are standing, she's going to want to come to you because you are more fun if you are up moving around.

This worked in our favor so far because it allowed me to accept help from Deanne and Jenna while in China so I didn't have to do it all.  But now that we are home, Steve and I need to work hard on bonding with her.  She needs to know everyone loves her, but she needs to know that Steve and I are more than just "nannies".  We have to establish ourselves as her Mommy and Daddy. 

Last night, Kylie didn't sleep well at all.  I'm sure that is partially due to the fact that her days and nights are mixed up.  She could still be on China time and we are all trying to get back on the right schedule, especially Jenna because she has to go to school on Monday.

So what does this mean for you?  Are we accepting visitors?  YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!  I have spent 2 weeks away from the best friends and family a girl could ask for and I'm thrilled if you want to come spend time with us.  We do ask that you call, text or email and ask if it's OK to come.  Please don't just drop in.  This is for a couple of reasons...we are also trying to get back on a sleep schedule which could mean a nap or two is in order.  Also, if you drop in just to see Kylie and she is asleep, then you wouldn't get to see her in action.  So just let us know if you want to drop by.  We'll tell you if it's OK.  And most times it will be.

When you are here, do not ask to hold Kylie.  We are trying to limit holding to just Steve, Jenna and I to facilitate bonding.  You can absolutely talk to her, call her name, take pictures, rub her back, head or hand and even pinch her cheeks (they are irresistible).  Try not to say "boo!" to her.  I know that sounds silly but you don't realize how much you say that to a baby until you are trying not to.  "Bu" in Mandarin means "no", so when you say "Boo!" to her, she thinks you are telling her "no".  As she learns English, that will resolve itself.  Also, try not to clap your hands to her.  This is what her nannies in the orphanage did when they wanted her to come to them.  So when you clap your hands, she thinks you are asking to pick her up.

And please don't take it personally if I don't answer the phone, immediately return an email or text or say it's not a good time for a visit!  It's NOT personal!  Oh, and if you haven't gotten a thank you note from me, I'd appreciate some grace.  I'm getting around to it!

So, enough of the don'ts, let's talk about the do's!

DO feel free to talk to Kylie and try to make her smile.  She's a happy baby and loves to smile.  She needs to know you are a friendly face.

DO text, email, call, comment on the blog or visit.  I have spent two weeks away from those I love most.  I welcome seeing you all.

DO remember that Jenna is also our child.  She also experienced two weeks without everything familiar, saw scary things in China, missed her friends, ate few familiar foods and missed home like crazy.  So many of you have gone the extra mile to make her feel special and I can't thank you enough!  Keep that up!

DO keep praying for us.  Your prayers literally carried us through this trip.  I can hardly believe we are on this side.  But we still need your prayers desperately.  So, please keep praying.  We are trying to adjust in a variety of ways. 

DO keep checking the blog!  I am going to catch up on my China posts.  I hope to put some video on here too. 

I can't tell you enough how much I appreciated the comments, emails, scriptures etc. that you sent while I was in China.  There is no way we could have made it those two weeks without your prayers and encouragement.  It was probably the hardest thing I'd ever done.  And we are still a work in progress.

I'm off to feed Kylie some dinner!  Wish us a more restful night tonight!

I Just Don't Understand...

Please read all the way through this blog.  I apologize for its length, but it's important you get the whole story...

So many times when I sit down to blog, I write a blog entry and set it to post at a date in the future.  This keeps my ideas flowing and gives me the ability to have something posting as often as possible.  But today's post is written in real time.  I have these feelings that are so intense right now and wanted to get them all down before time diminishes their intensity.

Lately, I have felt numb regarding our adoption trip.  I know I should feel excited, but I have just felt...nothing.  I've been in planning mode and I have attributed my lack of excitement to that.  Later, I hope I'll be thankful seeing that I'm already packed and don't feel rushed to get stuff done.  We'll see. 

The last few days have been almost sad for me though.  I keep thinking about leaving Steve, missing weeks of church and even missing work.  Because our floor at work will be remodeled while I'm out, I had the task of packing up my office before I leave, which I mostly did on Friday.  It felt like I was leaving and not coming back.  Everything I do now feels like "the last time".  Last time to eat dinner with my sister and niece as a family of 3, last Saturday as a family of 3, last church service as a family of 3.  Don't get me wrong...we have longed for, prayer for and waited for Kylie.  We can't wait to have her.  But this overwhelming sadness has come upon me and I think Jenna is feeling it too.  She's complaining about weird ailments (my stomach hurts, my ear feels funny etc.)

But let me just share with you how God is working...if you read this post, you'll know, this adoption is not completely paid for.  When we come back, we'll owe close to $10,000 on a credit card which we have used exclusively to pay the travel expenses of this trip.  I have a $4500 reimbursement coming from my company which is for adoption (yes, it is VERY awesome), and we'll have about $500 in our savings that can round that up to $5000.  $5000 is left for us to pay.

Last Sunday, a woman in our church came up to me and handed me a card.  Inside it was a $200 check.  The same Sunday, a sweet friend who is like a mentor to me wrote me out a $50 check.  Within a few minutes of that, I delivered two t-shirt to someone who handed me $40 in cash.  In the span of 1 hour, nearly $300.  This past week, I've had 3 people tell me they are putting money in the mail.  I have no idea how much they are giving, but of these three, they are all total strangers to me.  People who friends have pointed to my blog and felt that God was telling them to help.  TOTAL STRANGERS.

Then on Friday, a good friend, with whom I used to work emailed me to wish me well on my trip.  She said she had something to give me for the trip and when could we meet.  We met in he Petsmart on Saturday where she handed me a card.  She told me that she had been praying for me throughout this journey asking God all the while how she could help.  She had not gotten a clear answer until she read the post I linked above.  That's when she knew it.  She gave me $400 cash for the van trip to Hong Kong.  $400.  Did you notice in that post that I never mentioned any other dollar amount?  Why would I have even chosen to tell you all that the van ride would cost $400???  There are about 50 other costs involved with the international travel.  Why?  Because God needed to confirm for her what she was to do.  And yes, I cried in the middle of Petsmart.  And I cried in the middle of the Dollar Tree while I was trying to tell Steve.  And I'm crying now as I write about this HUGE blessing.  When I get on that van to begin the long journey home, I'll be thinking about this friend.  And I'll be praying God is blessing her in that VERY moment for helping us.

But that's not even close to all...this morning as I was dropping Jenna off for Sunday school, another dear friend (and adoptive mommy) handed me a check.  I knew better than to open it inside, so I waited until I got to my car.  Another $200.  And I cried all the way home...to where I sit now.  Crying.  And lest you misunderstand and think I just have "rich" friends, nothing could be further from the truth.  These friends, sometimes strangers, are just like us.  They work, provide for their families and love God.  They ask Him how to help, and then they obey.  And I can't wait to pay them back by paying it forward to others.

That's what I would have said. 

But thankfully, that's not what He said.

He says, "Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do,” says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies, “I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test!" (Malachi 3:10)

"For nothing is impossible with God." (Luke 1:37)

And I say, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24b)

I don't understand why He loves me the way He does.  I just know that He does.  I'm so far short from what He wants me to be.  But praise Him, He is NOT. DONE. WITH. ME. YET.

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves

We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

And oh, how He loves us
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so
how he loves

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how he loves
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
(David Crowder Band, "How He Loves")

She's At It Again!

My sweet baby girl is at it again...

Perhaps you remember this post from right before school was out for the summer.  Not too long after this happened, the gentleman disappeared from this corner.  And since I was no longer getting off that exit during the summer, I had no idea what happened to him.  But the first week of school, guess who was back?  Actually, I'm not sure if this is the same guy.  I tend to think it's not, but who knows.

Anyway, the minute Jenna saw him, she became obsessed with giving him money.  I'm all about some money but those of you who know me know I NEVER have cash.  NEV. ER.  So, every morning the first week of school, Jenna would say, "Mama can I PLEASE give him some money?!" and I had to tell her I didn't have any.  Well, right about the time school started, my sister sent Jenna $10 for her to buy herself a back-to-school treat.  Jenna has carried that $10 around since she got it (actually I carried it around, but for her to spend when she found something).  Monday she said "Mama.  I wanna give that man on the side of the road my money."  And being the stellar mother I am, I said, "You want to give your WHOLE $10?!"  And she was like "Yeah".  No hesitation.  No looking back.  Just YEAH.  Why I have a hangup with her giving all she has says a lot about me and not a lot of things I like seeing in myself.  Why can't I just give like that?

So as we are driving to school, she falls asleep and when we get to the exit, the light is green and she's asleep, I'm on the cell phone and so I didn't stop.  She really fussed at me for not waking her up.  But it's a busy intersection and the only safe thing to do would have been pull completely off the side of the road and I'm not sure that was even feasible without getting completely run over.

Tuesday morning, she wanted to eat breakfast out and so used her money to do that.  She had 4 $1 bills left as change.  I had the money out and waiting.  And he wasn't there.  And she was devastated.  She didn't understand why he wasn't there when she wanted to give her money.

But on Wednesday morning, HE WAS THERE. 

And the light was just turning red.

I was the first one at the light.

In the left lane right by him.

It was GO time.

Jenna was nervous but she opened the sliding door and said "excuse me!"  And gave him all 4 of her dollars.

Just look at that smile.  She was SO happy.  She said, "I feel happy!"  Oh my precious daughter.  It is definitely not from me that you get this reckless abandon and deep concern for others.  Thank God He is doing a WORK in you.  Something I, in my imperfection, cannot teach you.  And you know what her last words to me were?

"Look Mama!  He's smiling!  He's smiling!!"

Yes, yes he is.  And so am I.

Looking for a Daycare

Since we now know who Kylie is and an approximate travel time (January/February), I am going to have to start thinking about where to put her when I return to work.  It's been nearly 11 years since I've had to research daycares and wow!  Was I in for a surprise! 

It would be great financially for her to go somewhere in the town where we live.  But the problem is we both work (or will work) in Nashville, Jenna goes to school in Nashville and our pediatrician (and Kylie's cleft team) will all be in Nashville.  So, it makes the most sense for her to go to a daycare in Nashville.  But holy cow!  Daycares are EXPENSIVE!  One of the ones I checked is the same price as our house payment!  YIKES!

Not to mention, there is a plethora of Mother's Day Out programs which are 9:00-2:30, but that doesn't help us.  Several good ones (that come highly recommended) don't start taking children until 20-24 months old and again, NOT HELPFUL. The next few weeks I'm really going to have to start doing some research.  Our preference would be for a Christian daycare but that just might not be possible.

Some days I'm not sure we are ready for this!

FAQs On All our Big News

I'm getting a ton of questions about our phone call, Kylie, Steve's job etc. so I thought I'd do a big ole post today to try and answer them.  If you have a question I didn't answer here, just leave it in the comments or email me and I'll answer.  Maybe.  I know so many of you FB'd, texted, emailed and RQ PM'd me and if I haven't answered I'm sorry.  I have told the story to a hundred people who I know from real life to my internet pals and I am dead serious when I say I cannot remember who I have told what.  Those that know me know I'm an open book so any question goes.  So, here we go...

1.  When do you go get Kylie?  Well, not anytime soon unfortunately.  Now that we know WHO she is, we have a LOT of paperwork to do.  If you are curious about the steps from here on out, hop over to my RQ friend Courtney's website.  She explains it all.  I'll be explaining it here as we go, but if you are curious ahead of time.  The answer to the question is we don't really know.  We'd be lucky to travel before year end and at that, it would be RIGHT at the end of December.  I'm guessing more likely January/February timeframe.  As we progress through the paperwork, we'll know better.  But the paperwork involved not just us, but the US Government, Chinese Government etc., so we are waiting on lots of things out of our control.

2.  You are always referencing RQ.  What does that stand for?  When I reference RQ, I'm speaking of some posting boards I frequent for those adopting (or have adopted) a Special Needs child from China.  It stands for Rumor Queen and I have many dear friends over there.  When I was going through IVF, I found a posting board for that too and made friends (shout out to the Mamas!!!) there who I actually traveled to meet IRL and STILL keep up with!  If you are going through anything in your life, there is a chat board for support and I'd encourage you to seek it out.  These women are FULL of wisdom about the process and I have made GOOD friends from there.  They encouraged me to change agencies, told me names of great agencies to check out (including Lifeline) and the board lit up with congratulations when I announced we'd been matched.  So when I mention RQ or my RQ-ers, now you know.  SHOUT OUT TO MY RQ FRIENDS!!!

3.  What IS the next step?  After we decided we would accept this referral, we have to send in a "Letter of Intent" or LOI saying it is our intent to adopt this child.  We had less than 48 hours to do so before her file would be unlocked and released back to the adoption world to grab.  This is why we had a pediatrician specialized in international adoption ON CALL.  If you are adopting or thinking about it, I can't stress this enough.  It's NOT just for kids with special needs.  We are using Vanderbilt's International Adoption Clinic.  Anyway, once we decided to accept her, we filled out a bunch of paperwork and sent it to our agency.  They then forward it to the CCCWA which is the agency in China which governs adoptions.  They will review the LOI and issue a Pre-Approval or PA.  So the PA is what we are waiting on now.  It could take up to 2 weeks to receive it, but many times it comes quicker.  We have to get it before we can move on.

4.  Could you have refused to accept this referral?  Yes, we sure could have and people do it every day.  They might find something in the medicals that they just aren't prepared to deal with.  The agencies try very hard to get the child for you the first time, but sometimes there are things out of their control or that only a trained medical eye could pick up.  Those of us in this community do NOT think badly of any parent who refuses a referral.  It's the worst situation to be in and it was the fear of that which kept my feet on the ground until we heard back from our doctor.  And refusing a referral doesn't bar you from getting another.  Agencies WANT you to get the right child for your family.  This answer relates only to special needs adoptions in China.  I don't know what the "rules" are for other countries.

5.  What IS the referral?  What does it consist of?  The referral is when your agency thinks they have found a child to match what you are open to accepting.  When you do your homestudy, you have to tell them the age, gender, special need (for this program) that you are willing to accept.  When we got the referral, we received 5 photos of her, her Chinese medical record and then an English translation.  They all came via email.  Part of the English medical record is a narrative about where she was found, what they think her age is, what she enjoys, how she's developing etc.  So even though we hadn't yet spoken to our MD yet, pretty quickly after reviewing that part ourselves, we knew

6.  What will you call her?  Her first name will be Kylie and that was decided on a while back.  The middle name has been decided on, but we are going to wait and announce that publicly when we are able to show her picture on the blog.  I will tell you, it will be part of her Chinese given name with a twist.

7.  When can you post pictures?  Ah yes, I get this question a lot and I don't blame y'all.  I cannot post her picture publicly until I have our PA.  As soon as we get that, we'll post her pictures and her name here.  I did post them to FB because that is not a public place where just anyone can see.  I can also email them, but please don't forward them etc.

8.  Who named her?  When she was found in China, the orphanage she is at named her.  You can see her name meaning on a previous blog, but I removed her Chinese name until PA.  I'll put it back then.

9.  Where is her orphanage?  Jiangsu Province.  You can read more about that area here.

10.  How do you know how old she REALLY is?  We do know a note was left with her, so perhaps it said when her birthdate is.  There were physical signs she was a brand new-born.  If you want to know what those signs were, email me, but I don't feel comfortable posting them here.

11.  What about her cleft lip and palate?  It's likely her cleft lip will be repaired in China before we go get her.  If so, we'll be notified (I think) and we'll post here about it (we would hopefully get updated photos).  Her palate is unlikely to be repaired there, though it is possible.  So, we'll schedule that when we return home with her.  No, it will not be fun and it will require ENTs, Plastic Surgeons etc., but we are prepared and will have a great team of doctors on standby when we return.  Some of you have asked what the "palate" is.  The palate is basically the roof of your mouth.  This is a great website to read about CLCP.  There are ton of others so just Google it if you want to know more.

12.  Who's going with you to China and how long will you be there?  Steve can't travel with Katie to China for a variety of reasons.  Plus, with the new job, he'll want to save his time off for when we return.  Steve's sister, Deanne is going to go with me to China.  Jenna would love to go and I would love for her to go.  It just depends on her school schedule and when we travel.  4th grade is a tough year and missing 2 weeks of school could be a bad decision.  If we happened to travel during or through some part of Christmas break, that would be FABULOUS (though Deanne would probably not love it!  :) ) and she would DEFINITELY go.  Otherwise, we are just going to pray about it and talk to the teachers etc.  And we'll be there from 10-14 days. 

13.  Is there anything else wrong with her?  NO!  At least not from what we have been given in the medical records which are only about 2 months old.  Developmentally, she's right on target with her age.  Physically she's a little small, but considering her challenges with eating and her being in an orphanage where she doesn't always get one on one attention, this is not at all surprising or cause for concern.  The lab work results we were provided were reviewed by our MD and all look fine considering.  We'll know for sure when she's home and they can do a thorough examination, but as of now, she's perfect.

14. Will you need baby stuff? Um yes.  And believe it or not, I've already had a sweet friend (shout out to Jill!) ask me that!  We really didn't anticipate having such a little one.  We have SOME clothes but not anything that small.  I got rid of ALL of our baby stuff years ago when it became clear to me we weren't having any more children (and God laughed!).  So I ask you locals to keep your eyes open for the big stuff like high chairs and car seats.  Consigned/Used is fine.

Well, I think that's enough for now.  I hope you enjoy...I know it was long.  Now I have to get up off this couch and get started on my to-do list!  Jenna is still sleeping, so I'm gonna try to get the kitchen clean before she gets up!  Happy Saturday!

Yummy BlueBerry Pancakes!

A few nights ago, we decided to have breakfast for dinner.  Is that a southern thing?  Anyway, we realized we didn't have any bacon or sausage so we decided to go the direction of pancakes instead.

For Jenna, she always likes chocolate chips in hers.  I made hers first and she gobbled them up as usual.  Then I realized I had bought some blueberries from the grocery to go in my cereal.  The problem was I hadn't been eating the cereal.  So I asked Steve if he might want some blueberry pancakes and he was game.

So I threw in the entire box of blueberries and WOWEE!!!  It was delicious!

Two Wheels!

While I was gone on my getaway weekend, Jenna had a red-letter weekend! First her fabulous report card, and then with this...

Some of you know that we've tried and tried for several summers to teach Jenna to ride her bike without training wheels. She has worn us out trying. We have taken the wheels off, raised them, and removed one training wheel. Nothing seemed to work. I was beginning to wonder if they made adult bikes with training wheels. Someone had recently recommended that I remove the pedals from the bike and let her coast until she learned. We just hadn't gotten around to that yet.

So on Saturday, Steve encouraged her to go outside to play with our neighbor's kids, Grey and Gage. Jenna is, age-wise, right in between both of them. Anyway, Grey apparently told Jenna just to "pedal".

And she did.

And now she can ride her bike without training wheels. Go figure. But I was super excited...I was sorry I missed the big event, but so glad she learned. Rachel put it best, it's like potty-training...when they are ready, it just happens despite all of our attempts to force it earlier. Wow...there's some deep thoughts in that comment, yes? Maybe for another day. :)