Approximately 731 day ago…

…this happened.

Gotcha Day, March 2012

And this sweet baby girl changed our lives forever.

I’ve said it before, and I will say it again…adoption is not for the faint hearted.  From the outside looking in, it looks so happy and rewarding and it is.  More than you can even wrap your mind around.  But sometimes getting there is hard.  Painful. EXHAUSTING.  And terrifying.

It was all those things for us.  But asked if I’d do it again…the answer is a resounding ABSOLUTELY! 

So, on this day that we celebrate having you placed into my arms for the first time, I watch this video and weep all over again for the blessing that is you, Kylie Liann Yingbei Taylor.

GOD HAS ANSWERED.

Summit 9!

A few months ago, I signed up to volunteer at Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit 9.  This conference is where many people with a heart for orphans from all over the US and world come together and learn about what’s going on in the world of adoption and foster care.

This year, Summit was hosted by none other than Brentwood Baptist Church.  It is a huge conference so it was all hands on deck, so I took two days off to volunteer to help.

Turns out, it was the largest Summit EVER.  They had to close registration after 2,500 signed up (first time ever).  As a volunteer, I was a breakout host which meant, I was able to be in many of the break out classes.  Unfortunately, the ones I was assigned to were pretty large and I didn’t get to pay attention too much, but I got to talk to some pretty awesome folks, so I was thrilled.

Here’s one of the main evening times.  The times where everyone was gathered to worship really did rock my socks off.

Lemme tell you…there is NOTHING like worshiping in a crowd of Jesus-lovers!  You can see quite a few empty spots in the balcony.  This was the last session of the conference and many, many folks had already left.  I wish I’d gotten a shot of one of the day before.

I was fortunate to host one of Dr. Karyn Purvis’s classes on connection.  For those of you who aren’t in the adoption world or don’t know, Dr. Purvis has done ground breaking work regarding attaching with kinds from hard places or who have experienced trauma.  She is an amazing, amazing woman.  Many adopted families read her book The Connected Child and a for 2 years in a row, I attended her Empowered to Connect conference that BBC also hosted.  I was able to meet her briefly before her class and she was just as nice as could be. 

I was also able to meet Barbara Rainey who you might recognize as the wife of Dennis Rainey from Family Life.  The Rainey’s also created the Passport to Purity program that Jenna and I did back in January.  I was able to talk with Mrs. Rainey for quite some time before their session and was able to tell her how awesome the P2P program was.  She was so nice and told me to tell Jenna how proud she was of her for completing the program and to hang in there that she could do it!  I wish I’d gotten a pic of us, but I was too nervous to ask her or Dr. Purvis for a photo.  FAIL.

Friday night’s worship began with some worship music by Nicole C. Mullen.  HOLY COW.  That was some rockin’ worship!  That woman is amazing.  Jenna had to opportunity to meet her after.  She signed a book she wrote for Kylie.

And then she was nice enough to pose for a photo with Jenna.  This woman does much to mentor young girls and I’m pleased Jenna thought what she stood for was cool.  Nicole took quite a bit of time to talk with Jenna and encourage her.

The evening concluded with one of the pastors I respect most…and he did a BANG UP job.

There is nothing like hearing David Platt speak on adoption.  He has two adopted children, one from China and is so passionate about adoption.  If you are interested in hearing some of his talks similar to the one he gave at Summit, go here.  If you’ll remember, I had the immense pleasure of meeting David at our agency’s picnic right after we received Kylie’s referral.  He is truly an amazing man.

Another one of my favorite speakers was Bishop W. C. Martin.  If you want to get fired up for the fatherless, just spend some time with this fella.  I am about 1/2 way through his book Small Town, Big Miracle and I’d highly recommend it.  One word of caution though…read at your own risk.  You could walk away changed or at least motivated and inspired.

As you might remember, I have really been struggling to find a channel for my growing passion for adoption/orphans.  Summit really helped me in getting closer to knowing what exactly I might do with that passion.  I am so glad to have been blessed enough to be part of such an amazing conference.

More on Created For Care

I’m delinquent in posting the REAL reason why I went to Created for Care…my roommates were of course, the best part of the trip socially, but I did learn tons.

Here are Jennifer and I…

I was so thrilled to have this view from our room…

And during one of the main sessions, the showed photo after photo of adoptive families represented there and I could barely hold back the tears…

The first break out session I went to was about finding creative times with God.  Back when I was young, single and then married without kids, I had no trouble setting aside a quiet time.  It was usually some prayer time and a devotional reading.  But since then, it has become a struggle to find any time alone with God.  And when I say a struggle, I mean, a REAL struggle.  It’s like I can read the Bible, do a Bible study  or pray, but I can’t manage to get them all done.  So when I saw this was a break out option, I jumped at the chance!  And it was OH SO GOOD.   I picked up some awesome tips on finding time when and where you can in the midst of life.  But the best thing I heard was that this might just be a season where setting aside even 30 minutes isn’t going to happen at the same time every day.  Or even several days.  Or maybe EVER.  But she gave us several ways that we can meditate on the word and prayer even during crazy life.

After the leader spoke, there were different stations to go to.  One was to pray over the world…any particular area you felt called.  I prayed over China and Russia.  And then I prayed over all the orphan children.  There was a cross in which you could read scripture and just pray.  Then a tent of rest where you just sat and did nothing. 

There was a station where you created what you thought love looked like.  Here’s my creation.

We also had to paint a picture of how we thought God saw us.  I brought my painting back to the room, but not sure if it made it home.  They were all just very good exercises.

The second breakout I did had to do with keeping your marriage alive after adoption.  I have a fabulous marriage and I am thankful every day that God gave me Steve.  But our marriage could be so much better.  I won’t go into detail, but again, got several good tips to help make things better.

The last session I picked was on spending time with God and man oh man did it rock my socks off.  It was just a culmination of all the things I needed to hear.  In the session, she played this song.  I’d never heard it before, but if the words don’t speak to you, then I don’t know what would.

I knew what I was getting into…

It was such a good weekend on all accounts and after so many months of waiting for the days to pass and for it to arrive, poof!  It was here and gone so fast.  I miss my roommates.  I miss being in a room with 450 women who KNEW what it was like to live your life.  I miss seeing nearly 450 different adoption t-shirts on those moms.  I miss it all.  But I look forward to putting what I learned into practice.  And for that, it was ALL worth it.

On Gotcha Day…

We celebrated by eating at the local Chinese buffet, which is appropriately named The Chinese Buffet. 

I thought I got a picture of my plate, but I can’t find it.  I did get Kylie enjoying her food.  Well…her drink as it were…

For dessert, we had celebratory cupcakes.

And Kylie truly enjoyed hers.  So I’ll leave you with pictures of our celebratory cupcake (both of them!)

One Year Home!

One year ago today, at 12:07pm, the wheels of a large aircraft touched down on a Chicago runway after a long journey from Hong Kong.

The minute that happened, our Kylie automatically because a US Citizen. 

I have made several international trips and every time, landing in the US has brought me to tears, but there is nothing…hear me…NOTHING like arriving on US soil after 2 weeks in China WITHOUT your husband and with your newly adopted child.

I knew that just steps outside of customs Steve awaited and I got choked up just thinking about it.  I knew once I latched on to him, I might never let go.  And I really didn’t want to.

But then, we touched down in Nashville and I really did think I would cry from joy.  PURE.  JOY. to see these faces all waiting to see this child they had prayed for.  My photo calendar has a few of these photos for the month of March because they are so dear to me.  So, in celebration of Kylie’s citizenship and surviving a whole year at home, here they are again.  (click here to see the blog post about our arrival).

Note:  I still cry when I look at these pictures…the smiles…the joy.  I love these people.

Celebrate The Promise

I have been active on a couple of non profit boards since my foray into the non profit world a few years ago.  After a year internship at a local non-profit through the Young Leaders Council (which is awesome, BTW.  Highly recommend).  I took a hiatus while I figured out what I REALLY had a passion for. 

I mean, being on a board is work.  Board meetings take time away from work.  Fundraisers take time and money.  But this time last year, a co-worker came to my office and during our random conversation, I found out that she was rolling off of the board of Miriam’s Promise.  I’d heard of Miriam’s Promise from my friend, Elizabeth who worked with them to do her home study when she was adopting last year.

I read up on MP and decided I wanted to join what they were doing to help children.

So on the eve of celebrating Kylie’s homecoming, I figured this was the perfect time to talk about how you can help Miriam’s Promise continue to do what they do for the families they serve.

Next Friday, April 5, is their annual event.  It’s a night you don’t want to miss!  Unfortunately, and ironically, I’ll be traveling and will miss, but you don’t have to. 

If you are interested in attending and learning more about the work MP does, you can click here.  If you can’t attend, please considering making a donation.  If you own a business that would be interested in making a donation, please let me know!  Finally, if you really can’t afford to donate (because I know some of you would love to, but can’t), there are two ways to support MP. 

You can either donate an auction item or just pray for the board, staff and families of Miriam’s Promise in the next few days leading up to Celebrate the Promise. 

But if you ARE interested in learning more about Miriam’s Promise or making a donation, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me.  Donations are tax deductible.

Thank you friends.

Created For Care

A few weekends ago, I took a long weekend to attend the Created for Care retreat for adoptive moms.  It was something I had waited for since…well…for MONTHS.  And it seemed like the weekend would never arrive.

The weekend was wonderfully great, but the best, best, BEST part of it was my roommates.  And I’ll devote an entire post to what I learned there (maybe several posts) but this post is mainly about these awesome moms I spent the weekend with.

Next to me is my friend Jennifer.  Jennifer and I have know each other for about 2 years now.  I found her online and purchased some hair accessories she was making and selling to help fund her own adoption from China.  Somehow we ended up chatting by phone and now I talk to her every single day almost.  As you know, I have a long commute home after work and Jennifer and I chat nearly every weekday on my way home and let me tell you, it makes my commute feel so much faster!  Jennifer and I met IRL last May when she brought her family to town on Memorial Day weekend.  It was the last days I had off before heading back to work from my leave and it was a fun weekend.  Jennifer flew into Nashville on Wednesday evening and then spent the night at my house.  We headed out to the retreat Thursday morning to get there Thursday afternoon and enjoy some down time before the conference started.  Thursday afternoon we stopped near/in Chattanooga to eat lunch with a friend of hers.  We took in a movie (Safe Haven) and then headed to a new friend of mine who I have gotten to know since working with her the last several months.  Kim was kind enough to not only to invite me and Jennifer to her home, but she COOKED DINNER!  She was a wonderful host and I am so glad I got to see her and even meet her husband and son.  Thanks sweet Kim for the great dinner and even greater company!

Friday found Jennifer and I at Chik Fil A for breakfast.  I’d never eaten CFA at breakfast and it was DELISH!

Then we did a little shopping and I bought my first pair of Toms!  (shout out to EY!) and then we met with some of my attorney friends I work with who are also located in Atlanta.  It was a great day hanging out! 

After arriving back at the lodge, our other two roomies greeted us!  So on to them…

Next to Jennifer is Angie.  Angie and I met through Julie (more to come on her).  Julie and Angie have adopted daughters who were both from the same orphanage.  Angie gave a VERY generous donation to our adoption even while she was in the midst of her own.  She has an adorable cleft daughter who doctors have done MIRACULOUS work on.  And if you can love someone you’ve never met, this is the girl.  She’s a precious woman and one that I can only aspire to be some day.  Put simply…she ROCKS.

Next to Angie is Julie.  Julie and I met online right after I received Kylie’s referral.  Julie has an absolutely amazing story regarding her 3 children and her adoptions.  Julie found ME online right after I transferred agencies.  We started emailing back and forth and talk online or via email multiple times a week.  Julie came down and hung out with me in the fall during Empowered to Connect.  I visited her when Jenna and I went to Chattanooga on the Passport to Purity trip.

I’m telling you, these women are my SOUL sisters…I see so much of myself in them and we have so many similarities in terms of parenting, struggles, likes and dislikes.  It never fails to amaze me how God brings people together.  Never in a million years would I have imagined saying some of my closest and dearest friends are those who I met online and rarely see IRL.

I love how God does that.  And I love these girls!  I hope this is an annual occurrence!!!

The Days After

Now that we have moved past Kylie’s first year in our arms, I thought it might be time for me to post something that has been floating around in my head and heart for a while. 

The past week I have spent quite a bit of time going back and re-reading my blog from this time last year.  Re-reading and re-living our time in China has made me quite nostalgic.  Adoption is quite a lot like childbirth.  Depending on how traumatic your experience is, the love you end up feeling for your child eventually makes you forget the trauma and makes you want to do it again.  And so many of the China adoption blogs I read, I found because they were in the process about the same time as I was and so all of their blogs are now also celebrating one year home milestones.  It’s hard not to find yourself thinking on these things.

For quite a while, having Kylie was rough.  It was rough in China not having Steve there.  It was rough having such a little child and feeling like, due to bonding, you couldn’t accept help from anyone (a myth, by the way).  The first few weeks home were brutally hard and filled with many a sleepless night (and day) asking myself “What have I done to my family!??!?” and wondering whether I was really cut out for this.

Then a few month ago, things started to REALLY calm down and fall into place.  We were finding our rhythm.  And I started thinking about possibly going back for another.  Steve had made a passing comment about a son and I started watching Gotcha Day videos on YouTube about Gotcha Day and looking at pictures online of boys waiting in China. 

And I was confused.  Did I REALLY want to do this again?  I thought our family was complete.  What was God telling me?  I had jokingly said if God wanted us to adopt again, then He’d have to tell Steve FIRST this time and drop the money from heaven because I just wasn’t fundraising again.   And for a time, I flirted with God…basically daring him to do it.

But after a while, I went back to feeling like our family was complete.  But my heart is still with the orphan.  Not just Chinese orphans, but ALL of them.  And so I ask myself frequently, “What do I do with that?”  I wish I could say I knew, but I don’t.  Honestly, I don’t think God is calling us to adopt again.  Will He?  I don’t know.  Who DOES know the future other than God?  But at this point, that’s not what it feels like to me.  And until I DO know what God is asking me to do with this desire, this passion, I continue to struggle onward…to seek out what I can do.

And as we approach the Easter season, I’d challenge you to ask yourself what you are supposed to be doing. 

Once I figure out what I’m to do with my passion, I’ll let you know. 

I Wasn’t Ready

A year ago, the culmination of months of paperwork, worry, fundraising, worrying and waiting was about to come together in one of the greatest miracles ever. 

I wasn’t ready. 

I thought I was.  I had done all the required reading.  I’d gone to all the classes and seminars and read all the blogs.

But as I sat in that hotel room,  I tried to write you a letter.  A letter about how I was feeling right then…just hours before meeting you…and I couldn’t get the words right.  And I realized. 

I wasn’t ready.

I had NO IDEA how my life would change.  For the better. 

I remember watching out the window of civil affairs lobby in Nanjing and seeing those nannies carrying 3 bundles closer and closer and wondering which was you.  And then, you were there.

I wasn’t ready.

For the world and everything in it to stop right. that.  minute.  The tears came and then they handed you to me.

I wasn’t ready.

And all those hours spent doing paperwork and worrying about when we’d get our LOA and then TA and how we were going to pay for everything…all of that dissipated into dust.

I wasn’t ready.

And so began this last whirlwind year.  And here we are.  Together.  Forever.  And I’m STILL not ready.

I wasn’t ready for my heart to be stolen wholly and completely by that sweet little giggle and that crooked smile.  I wasn’t ready to watch my tween turn into one of the most amazing, loving, selfless sisters I have ever seen.  I wasn’t ready to watch as you learned to walk, then run, to sing, babbly, talk, drink from a straw…

I wasn’t ready to love you as deeply as I do.  But I’m ready now.  I’m ready to enjoy every day of this life with you, watching you talk more, sing more and love more.

I love you more than life itself.  You and your jie jie are my world.  The last year has been hard and wonderful all at the same time.  Thank you for that.

I love you like crazy cakes sweet Kylie.

Love,

Mom

This Time Last Year…

I have been doing a lot of thinking about “this time last year”.  I was sleeping in Beijing at this very moment last year.  But in just a few hours, I was rising to pack my bags and head to Nanjing where my life would change forever.

As I sit and watch Kylie sleeping, I wonder how I am in this place already.  It seems like just yesterday we were standing at the airport taking our last photo as a family of 3.

And now, we’ve been home a year.  I knew this would happen but then why am I so surprised that it has? 

The next few days will be emotional for me.  If you want to follow our journey through China last year, click here to start.

Kylie is 2!!

There will most certainly be more posts coming about this exciting event, but for today, I just want to take a moment to wish my sweet, darling girl a happy ‘first’ second birthday! This is her first birthday with us, although we know she was celebrated last year too when she turned one.

We will be having a celebration of our own soon, but today I’m thanking God that from this…

…came this…

It’s been an amazing 10 months!

We love you sweet baby girl!!  You added something to our lives we never even knew was missing.  I will stand forever in awe that God trusted me with your life. 

Created for Care…Coming Soon!

If you are an adoptive mom or waiting mom, then you have likely heard about a little something called Created For Care retreat (C4C).  It’s a weekend retreat especially for adoptive moms.

I’m not sure when these started, but the first year I heard about it was 2011.  We were still in the pretty early stages of our adoption and I, honestly, wasn’t interested since we didn’t have Kylie home then.  In fact, we didn’t even know who she was!

Then last year, I was literally in China at the time of the retreat. 

This year though…I’m GOING.  In March.  With 3 women that I can’t wait to see and hug their necks and just hang out with.

So since they just finished up the January retreat, I am wondering if any of YOU are going in March?  If so, leave a comment and let’s try to meet!

Show Us Your Life-Adoption!

Kelly's Korner is one of the blogs I have been reading for some time now. Frequently she does "Show Us Your Life" Fridays. There have been SUYL Fridays for every room in the house, even a single friends SUYL! I never link up because I never have time to take pictures of the rooms in my house and I'm pretty sure no one would be impressed with my lack of decorating skills.

Anyway, I digress. Kelly's SUYL Friday was about Adoption Stories! So if you linked to me from there, WELCOME!

 

Even though our girl is home and about to celebrate her 2nd birthday, we are still on this journey.  I'd love for you to click on our Gotcha Day video (see right sidebar!) or just browse my blog.  I'd be happy to answer any questions about our agency (Lifeline!) or our cleft lip/palate special need!  And if you want to read all about how we came to decide to take this journey, click here. 

This blog follows the last turbulent years of my life (several family losses including my dad, mother in law and two brothers, job loss from my husband etc.). But in the end, God has blessed us abundantly more than I could ask and yes, even imagine.

Welcome to our story. 

Surprised

I had a friend at work ask me recently, “What is thing that surprised you most about Kylie’s personality now that she’s been home 9 months?”

It was a very intriguing questions and not one I had thought about.  But now that he asked it, it’s been on my mind and I think the answer I gave him then is just being confirmed over and over.

I think I was most surprised at how happy Kylie is.  Since last Wednesday, Kylie has just been kind of out of sorts.  Wednesday night she was clingy, quiet and rather lethargic acting and we thought she was running a low grade fever. 

Because she slept through the night without incident, I thought we’d dodged the bullet when I got up for work the next morning.  But she woke up earlier than normal and was running 102 fever.  We thought it was teething, but with the higher fever, we thought strep (had her hands in her mouth and was holding saliva in like she did right after her cleft surgery) but that test came back negative.

She was super moody and would break down at the slightest thing and much of the time we had no idea what the problem was.  She was whiny and clingy and you could do NOTHING to please her.  She wasn’t eating well and quite honestly, mealtime was a battle.  She didn’t want what you put in front of her and she’d let you know that by shaking her head no, but when you took it away, she’d scream and cry big ole tears.  It doesn’t help that she’s speech delayed and so really can’t tell us what hurts or what is bothering her.

Anyway, the fever was gone by Friday but the other things were still hanging around and she just wasn’t my happy girl.  It was then I realized how happy and animated she is normally and how different it was not having her like that.

It’s not that I thought she would be UNHAPPY.  It was just all those times I would sit and daydream about her, I just never imagined her being as happy as she is. 

The last day or two has been more normal (PRAISE GOD!) and I find myself hugging her a little tighter and thanking God that my girl is back.  I look at her smiling and how her smile reaches her eyes (like Jenna’s) and I think how much I love those eyes.  That was one of the comments we heard over and over about this picture:

Oh how I love those sweet, almond shaped eyes!

The good news is, my girl IS back and she’s giggly and animated as ever…

And I’m so glad.